(They will do anything to avoid those awful feelings. Act happy around others, drink, do drugs, party, become workaholics, anything other than dealing with it.)
She is a complete workaholic in the sense that she cannot stand not to be busy. She'll make herself busy until the moment she can't keep her eyes open any more then fall into bed. I've always ascribed that to avoiding me, but it might well be what you wrote as a method of avoiding the awful feelings not just me. That's a much healthier way for me to look at it, as I think there is certainly that element to it. Although she would never admit it, I think she is unhappy. She thinks she's figured it all out, but the happiness seems superficial to many of our mutual acquaintances.
(The emotional suppression could be a factor. With MLC something happens in childhood that hinders the person's developement.)
I'm convinced her mother's personality would have done as you write.
(Guilt and low self esteem are huge in this too.)
She acts as if she has very high self esteem, but I'm not sure that isn't a mask.
(Is she forgetful or confused. Will she contradict herself. Sometimes they will resemble someone who suffers from Bi polar disorder.)
Don't know if you read my full sitch, but our oldest son IS bi-polar, which is part of what scares the H out of me in this whole thing and based upon the course it seems to be taking. She actually has been confused about weird things lately. She's gotten the kids names wrong! She was convinced our last anniversary was our 23rd, not the 22nd. And, yes, she does contradict herself, but I don't call her on it because she gets very angry. Logic, in many instances, has been thrown out the window.
(Perfectionists are prone to depression. Nothing is ever perfect and that is hard for some to accept. MLC'ers will view their spouses as a reflection of them and be very critical, it will start out small and become worse.)
Wow. Can you elaborate on this? Where did you learn about this or is it something you formulated on your own? She is critical (but doesn't see it in herself). She is even more hyper-defensive.
(Do the opposite of what you would normaly think to do.)
Not sure I follow...
(If she wants a D make her do everything.)
I'm certainly not going to take the lead at this point...
(I dont know your sitch, but if you are living together now DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE let her.)
We are... and I have no plans to leave. She won't either because she's afraid of looking like the "bad guy" to the kids!
(I'm fairly new to this perhaps others will chime in with help.)
Ah, but you sound like you have a lot of wisdom for a newbie. I appreciate your chiming in.
Thanks,
AlexEN
New: What a Weekend
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