Finally a new wifey thread

[The Wifey]

Hi KJo, Checking in after a long while away from the BB. I'm sorry that you are still at this point in your sitch.

You know, you can't make him change. You can only change yourself. You've been DBing for (I think) about six months now. With that in mind...

How are YOU significantly different, as a person, than when you started? Please answer this question without a single reference to your H.

How are YOU significantly different in the ways that you interact with your H? Please answer this question focusing on your own actions, not his.

The stuff you are hearing from H seems to be the exact same stuff you have heard consistently from him for the past six months. As MWD says, when what you are doing isn't working, do something else....

(((Hugs!)))

A) I am significantly different in that I recognize that I often kept busy and focused on the next achievement to try and bury feelings. In so doing I would avoid really feeling what I should have felt and faced what I needed to face.

By doing this I lost focus on what was truly precious and important in my life. While I was trying to feel better about myself I was actually hurting myself.

B) I am significantly different in how I interact with my husband in that I do not reject what he is trying to say or make excuses. I take responsibility for my actions and hurts and faults.

I am also able to put myself into his shoes and feel the way he feels. Though this hurts so much, I never tell him that he is wrong in how he feels or that things were different than the way he saw them.

I now say, I know, you are right, and I am so sorry. In the past I would try to redefine what he was saying and tell him he saw it wrong, or I didn't mean to do that, I meant this... or I would have a reason for what I did that I thought explained it away.

Does this make sense?