Hope you get it. Something is better than nothing !! And you can relate to that in more than a job I think !
These days - almost all people have to start a little lower on the job totem pole job wise I think. Lots of extra / over qualified people unfortunatly available. Nowadays people almost have no choice but take a lessor job. But, prove your worth and most companies will still do something to keep you. At least I'd like to think/hope so.
Sucks.... we just laid off 25% of our people - many with lots of years service - like 10 to 17. That's how deep the cuts are/were. Thank you from above that I wasn't one of them. What is really kind of scary is I/we work in a fairly stable type enviornment - in normal circumstances.
Hey Stillhope - Yeah I'm thinking I may take it regardless. It would put me to work while I wait for a potential spot at a local university. A good friend of mine works in the IT dept. there and they are looking to hire another install guy. Good pay and great benefits, including 4 years of free tuition for our D16. This is actually what we are most worried about right now, the financing of my D's college education. It'd be really great to get that one as the tuition there is worth about $250,000 for four years (private university)!!!
I had been at my last job 19 years and knew guys that had 20-23 years. It was in telecommunications engineering and over the last 12 years I've known literally hundreds of people personally that got the ax (also lots of job outsourcing, software went to India). The whole industry has gone down about 75%. I was actually one of the lucky few that got to hang on for so long. A stupid merger finally did us in, and I mean do stupid, very poor decision. Once they merged I knew we only had about a year left and that was a pretty accurate prediction.
Healing ok still, although my mother-in-law's dachshund stepping all over my package all day today didn't help much.
Not much to report on the romance front as I'm still not quite up to ML. At least my timing was good as it's "that time" for W right now.
Hey, kiddo, Glad to hear you're OK. Luck on the job! I used to work for a telephone interconnect co. that had all of Ohio & Kentucky. Back then most of the people realized that they'd eventually have all the new big systems they could sell & bus. would wind down to just service & changes. A few yrs later they sold it. Quit while they were ahead? Don't know what happened to the techs & programmers.
My daughter in law got laid off 3 wks ago. She was the only graphics designer at a small print co. The customers whose designs she did are sending her their stuff AT HOME! She's thinking about naming her business "In My Slippers". They have a couple powerful MAC's & other cool stuff, but her talent is the most important asset. She's a very very good artist.
Speaking of graphics, another reason I'm a newspaper person is one of my sons prints our local daily. Macy's changes cut out mega pages of ads, recession even more, but they also print a weekly that hits 5 counties. Gotta keep my kid employed
Did your wife always dislike you "being all over her"? Maybe she's always thought sex over 40 would die off?? If she's beginning or in "perimenopause" mood swings are a given. The combination of stress over unemployment & your being home all day could be a big bag of worry to carry around. In the event she ever decides to try an antidepressant, make sure the Dr. doesn't give her one that kills either libido or orgasms or both. Some do, others don't.
Google "Humunculus" for an image of where various body part sensations are in the brain. Funny looking pic, but stuff's in the same places male or female. I doubt my H would go for foot rubs. He's ticklish. Making him giggle isn't what I have in mind LOL. Have a good week. I hope to get some sleep tomorrow & be more social later in the week. J
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
Did your wife always dislike you "being all over her"?
Jayce - Unfortunately yes. If I knew then what I know now about her and myself, I never would have married her. I think in the beginning she tolerated my amorous nature but really could take or leave it. Stupid me fell in love with her and ignored the fact that we were incompatible in the bedroom because I loved her so much. So here I am trying to fix something that I am afraid was never there to begin with. I will try but don't have much hope of things changing.
I just can't keep living a lie. This is the way I am and want to be. As her true nature was revealed to me (once the honeymoon few years ended) I should have confronted our difference then. I didn't though, instead I started my "secret sex life" which over the years got to the point I was having affairs... not good. I don't want my life split in two, I want to give my love and affection to one woman who wants it and me.
To me what I am asking for from her is such a simple natural thing. To her it is like asking her to be someone she is not. Sound familiar? Who knows if we will make it or not.
I'll check out the "Humunculus" it sounds very interesting.
Ava - I am doing good physically. All bruising gone and almost feeling no pain at all. I'm ready for ML now except someone is enjoying her hiatus from sex a little too much and I think we all know who I am talking about here. Mentally I am having doubts again though, as you can see above. I just feel like we're falling back into our old patterns again only being nicer to each other now. I'm not sure how much longer "nice" will last for me without my desires being fulfilled.
I'll reiterate my former advice that you two need to find a pro-marriage couple's counselor / sex therapist who can listen to and advocate for BOTH OF YOU to get what you want out of the relationship. She will probably never listen to you 'preaching the gospel' to her, and she will probably never read -- and put into practice -- the books that you hand her: they come from YOU, and in her mind, therefore represent YOUR point-of-view only. It all looks like YOU trying to fix her, and she will resist it as much as she can.
She'll resist seeing a counselor too, and you may have to put your foot down and make it a condition for your staying in the relationship, but if things keep on the path they're currently on, your relationship is severely threatened by her current inaction, anyway. You've tried the 'carrot' approach for months now -- it may be time for a little 'stick'.
Now, I'll be the first to admit that going to a counselor and discussing the most intimate aspects of your life is uncomfortable...very uncomfortable sometimes. And if you find a good counselor, they won't 'pick sides' and will be just as likely to call you on the carpet as they will your wife. The little experiment that my own counselor has my wife and I working on has us BOTH squirming and uncomfortable at the moment, since it puts us both out of our 'comfort zones' and working to stretch our personalities into new territory. But we both trust him: he took the time to really understand our respective personal backgrounds and personalities, our marital history, our current wants and needs for the relationship, and is working to get us to develop a common ground where we are BOTH happy and getting our needs net.
And if part of your hesitation regarding finding a counselor is that your past 'secret sex life' will be revealed, I would very frankly say: own it, take responsibility for it, forgive yourself, and move on. DO NOT let it hold you back from doing what you need to do to repair your marriage now, if that is truly what you want to do.
Take care, and don't forget that you can't go "raincoat free" until 6-8 weeks after the surgery, AND a sperm count test saying that you're free and clear of little soldiers.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
I am so sorry it seems to be. Same Sh*t different day. I think you should listen to B. Also you know what I am going to say. Take care of yourself. Find things that make you happy. Take some time to be still and really listen to your heart. Find answers. Love, Ava Rodney Atkins ~ If you are going thru hell.
I dunno if I had you 'watch ' this before? It is a lovely song... first time I heard it? I cried????!~!@!@~~@&**%& UGH!
You are going to have to keep going and face your fears .......? Be still and listen to your heart. Find answers. You deserve to be happy.
Bagheera - Man I hear you on the MC/ST but it is out of the question now that we are struggling financially. When you are worrying about buying the groceries and paying the mortgage, a C is a luxury we just can't afford. Even if we could I know her too well, it wouldn't change anything with her anyway. I don't want to fix anyone, I just want someone that naturally wants a SL.
If there was even a glimmer of her *really* trying, I would try. Besides this being the second time around again, it's all so stupid. She has a man that loves her dearly yet she operates in her own little world. I'm not sure why it's such a big deal for me to leave other than I am her source of income. She won't give me the affection that I want and yet won't release me either. I have already said that I have the feeling that I just annoy her by being around.
Honestly when we went through our separation/divorce years ago, I was shocked that she fought so hard to win me back. I thought we were through, why else would you stop sleeping with your husband? Somehow she convinced me that things would be different. I was so desperate for a change I believed it was real. Once I was back it only lasted like that until she felt it was safe to slack off again. It wasn't even real affection for me. The only real change is that we now sleep in the same bed.
I don't know why I am so negative about this right now. I am not giving up yet. I think I'm just a little down, I still haven't heard back about the latest job prospect and now I'm thinking they don't want me. Nothing like the feeling of rejection in every aspect of your life to crush your spirit.
Hey, Kiddo, what're your wife's mom/parents like? I mean besides owning a cute little ankle biter she allows to play on your lap. Really, I love Doxies. Had one when I was a kid. Dog had a sense of humor. Probably why this one sat on your lap LOL.
My ques. has to do w/what kind of attitudes might she have gotten from her mom/parents/family. Were they openly affectionate? Even tho people being brought up to be strait laced & repressed about sex supposedly happened more in my generation, my kids know people their (your) age who are like that. There were parents who objected to sex ed. in 5th-6th grade when my kids were in school. At that level, info was pretty much clinical mechanics of puberty....but they wanted u]MARRIAGE[/u] emphasized, or else . As in "sex is only for making babies, its not fun and don't ever think about it again until you're married!"
That attitude is harder for girls to overcome. Boys eventually can't think about anything else and experiment. Some girls probably never get comfortable with the whole idea.
Anyway, whatever your W's upbringing was, it may have affected her. Or it may not. My H still says very little about his feelings about sex in general. I'm hoping the "Male" book will get him to think about it so he can put some of it in words for himself even if he won't tell me. Its just so odd that both bro's were hounds & he's never been anything close to that.
If your W ever gets to the chapter in SSM about possible reasons for LD, she might have a "light bulb" moment. Without counseling or therapy that's all we can hope for. Trying to be their therapists just makes them mad. Besides, we want to be seen as lovers, not shrinks.
I have no intention of divorcing which is why I'm workin' on the whole libido/health/communication stuff so hard. I care a lot for him and would like to have him around, enjoying life for a long time. I sure as heck don't want to go it alone or do the dating scene. So that's the answer to better with or without him. Have you thought about that? You could wind up with someone who is as HD as you, but you don't love, or is the woman from hell & lose your D & home.
Since men are action oriented and women like to talk about stuff, try giving her opportunities to talk about her day or whatever is on her mind & just listen without offering "fixes" and eventually she may share things you need to know a little at a time. I've learned it'll never come all at once. Just comments here and there that help me picture what's going on in his mind. I can't ask questions about these bits or he'll quit talking. Just kinda add them to the little pile I have to think about.
When you got the comment about still being all over her did you tell her that made you feel like a creep & hurt your feelings? Or ask her if she wants you to leave? Both are wake up questions. Seriously.
Did you send a thank you letter for your interview? Or call to follow up? Make sure they know you want the job. Again, good luck on that. J
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
Hey, Kiddo, what're your wife's mom/parents like? I mean besides owning a cute little ankle biter she allows to play on your lap. Really, I love Doxies. Had one when I was a kid. Dog had a sense of humor. Probably why this one sat on your lap LOL.
My ques. has to do w/what kind of attitudes might she have gotten from her mom/parents/family. Were they openly affectionate? Even tho people being brought up to be strait laced & repressed about sex supposedly happened more in my generation, my kids know people their (your) age who are like that. There were parents who objected to sex ed. in 5th-6th grade when my kids were in school. At that level, info was pretty much clinical mechanics of puberty....but they wanted i]MARRIAGE[/i] emphasized, or else . As in "sex is only for making babies, its not fun and don't ever think about it again until you're married!"
That attitude is harder for girls to overcome. Boys eventually can't think about anything else and experiment. Some girls probably never get comfortable with the whole idea.
Anyway, whatever your W's upbringing was, it may have affected her. Or it may not. My H still says very little about his feelings about sex in general. I'm hoping the "Male" book will get him to think about it so he can put some of it in words for himself even if he won't tell me. Its just so odd that both bro's were hounds & he's never been anything close to that.
If your W ever gets to the chapter in SSM about possible reasons for LD, she might have a "light bulb" moment. Without counseling or therapy that's all we can hope for. Trying to be their therapists just makes them mad. Besides, we want to be seen as lovers, not shrinks.
I have no intention of divorcing which is why I'm workin' on the whole libido/health/communication stuff so hard. I care a lot for him and would like to have him around, enjoying life for a long time. I sure as heck don't want to go it alone or do the dating scene. So that's the answer to better with or without him. Have you thought about that? You could wind up with someone who is as HD as you, but you don't love, or is the woman from hell & lose your D & home.
Since men are action oriented and women like to talk about stuff, try giving her opportunities to talk about her day or whatever is on her mind & just listen without offering "fixes" and eventually she may share things you need to know a little at a time. I've learned it'll never come all at once. Just comments here and there that help me picture what's going on in his mind. I can't ask questions about these bits or he'll quit talking. Just kinda add them to the little pile I have to think about.
When you got the comment about still being all over her did you tell her that made you feel like a creep & hurt your feelings? Or ask her if she wants you to leave? Both are wake up questions. Seriously.
Did you send a thank you letter for your interview? Or call to follow up? Make sure they know you want the job. Again, good luck on that. J
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
I don't want my life split in two, I want to give my love and affection to one woman who wants it and me.
. As in "sex is only for making babies, its not fun and don't ever think about it again until you're married!"