H chickened out at the last minute, as we were loading the car. He said he was sweating his heart was pounding and he couldn't decide what to do. I am officially stepping out of the running. If making a choice is so hard, then that says to me he already made the choice and couldn't face me with it...
So he went to his niece's bday party this afternoon (we were going to see her on Saturday at his family Thanksgiving but oh well) and the kids and I went to my parents.
The image in my mind is that my love for him was a big fire, that burned down to coals that wouldn't quit smoldering, wouldn't give up the flame. So now I have this image in my mind of scattering the coals and stomping them out one at a time.
Sounds morbid, but it isn't. Kalni called it surgically removing the love she had from her husband or something like that.
I will stomp mine out one coal at a time. And it will be okay. I am okay, I have my two kids with me tonight and they love me to bits. I am lucky and fortunate to have all of you and my family and my friends, that is what really matters today.
