Detach>Worse>Weird>Better ???

[Sophie]

Just some thoughts after a perfect Thanksgiving for my 3 kids, our puppy and me...truly...it was perfect.

It seems the motion of D is becoming harder on H than it is on me. I was all prepared to fake my way through the day and WIN that Golden Globe, snodderly

What a difference 10 days make...10 days ago H was here with wine and taking the family to eat and watch a football game (which was 2 days after he knew I was served)

I figured he was trying to show how we can be such great friends.

Now, either time is shedding it's truth on him, or the reality of my L's words have taken the wind out of his sail.

H obviously can't be friends with me...he knew his daughter was making Thanksgiving dinner and he bailed with a text message at noon, today.

I sort of find satisfaction that he couldn't come here as if we would continue as happy friends getting a D.

I'm not sure why he couldn't come here.

It feels good to know that I am not the one messed up. This year of detachment is kicking back into my psych, after the shock of the D papers, and I see him as a really mixed up, I mean a REALLY mixed up person.

I want to be there but I can't even TOUCH where he is now. It feels contaminated to me.


1)4 years ago, H thought a 69 Camaro was his dream. I had fought that for years because of the cost. I saw how much it meant and agreed to use the equity line of credit.

I remember sitting next to him saying 'you should feel complete now...you've moved your family to Va, you have your kids and you finally have your dream car'.

2) That wore off in a month and the OW=biittcch came along.

She made him feel like Hercules until I found out, which was right away. He moved out for two weeks...and then the OW didn't last...the realization of that made him even more depressed.

3) In between ending that and moving out H wanted his other dream...a motorcycle. He got that, and moved out a couple months later...no more happiness from the bike. H came back three weeks later.

Two months later H wanted to run again...but, he didn't have anywhere left to run...so he stayed away nearly every night...supposedly working.

4) Finally, H 'ran away'...moved out to his first place of his own. That was exciting for him...he said it was really great when he got his first piece of mail!!! geez

That wore off in about 3 months.

5) Now...2 1/2 years later...the last straw...the last thing...I guess he figures a D will make him feel better.

I think it make him feel power over me to have me served.

But, now...what? I don't think H even thought about what happens after I get served.

Just writing...maybe, I'll need this recap when L and I chat.