First off, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Hope you managed rest and the comfort of family and/or friends. I hosted my two boys, just the three of us, and managed to swing a turkey with all the trimmings, including a few pecan and pumpkin pies. It's been a good day, only better if I could have had my wife and children by my side.
On to the reason (besides well wishes) that I am writing to you...
I think the desire to be loving in an unconditional way to your wife is a great goal. For all of us who have suffered great hurt through the betrayal or abandonment of another, finding our way back to the goodness inside of us is an important part of our healing.
But Frank, this takes time. And to be honest, I think you still are in the midst of great sadness and hurt because of your wife's choices. That makes it incredibly difficult for you to be "the good guy" to your wife without coming across as strained.
Do you want your wife to help decorate the house? Of course you do. But you want her to do it as a part of being PART of the family and marriage. And this part she has forsaken.
It's a tightrope, this balance between allowing reality in full bloom to be the order of the day, and showing her some measures of grace in the midst of the crisis.
I guess if we're going to err, we should err on the side of grace, eh Frank? Just keep in mind that YOUR health and well being are considerations here as well. Your situation right now is one of determining what life apart is going to look like. I hope you will not make decisions based upon their potential positive impact on the future between the two of you, but instead on doing what is right and what leads you and your daughters to a more stable and emotionally healthy life together.
You have picked up so many of the pieces and seem to grow stronger by the day. I will just tell you that the absolute best thing for me in my situation was that my ex chose to leave me alone. She did NOT attempt to continue living her life in our home. She did NOT involve herself in the daily situations of life here with my son and I. It was ultimately that space and the opportunity to breathe it brought that set my feet on solid ground and helped me to realize that "I will be fine" was not just words but a soon coming reality.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
