I am sorry, I know this is hard for you, too. And I know what you mean about reacting to their voices. It is so difficult to act "as if" particularly on a day like today.
Maybe I should count it as a positive that H did not contact me today, given my state, I doubt it would have been a good interaction.
I love bread pudding. Part of my heritage is Irish so you can imagine that I love bread pudding and whiskey sauce. Have you been to your Mom's for dinner yet?
Bettou, I just read through your thread. I'm still in the same house with my WAW. We actually spend a lot of time together with our D7 doing the things we always did. She is going thru a MLC, has a OM, and wants out of our M. Today has been hard, but as techguy said, it is much better to stay in the present. My W is right here but so far away.
By the way...I just started Krav Maga training. I've been running and working out for some time and there are only so many miles you can put on your bod. Krav Maga lets you go at full speed...kick and hit at full speed and is a great workout. It is like my secret weapon for all the frustration right now.
I'll be here on the boards if things get tough tonight. Holidays get me too.
JWM and Beth Krav Maga....may be I should look into this. I can afford to lose few pounds (30) to be exact. I made the bread pudding with Bailey cream source. Time for me to head out...I will check back later.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Thanks for writing to me. It really helps to talk to people who are going through this, doesn't it?
My H had been withdrawing from me for about a year before he left, so I get the pain of living with a WAS and it is really rough to have it in your face every day. I feel for you. I have been keeping up with your thread. I have not posted because you have been getting great advice from folks. I still should have lent my support, sorry about that.
I got too busy at work to find the Krav Maga studio this past week. You can bet it is on my to do list for next week. I gotta start punching sh%! if you know what I mean. You are right that there is only so much a body can take, but I think mine can take more. It's not like I look like Madonna, so I have got some room to go before one can say I have over-trained.
I am glad you stopped by and glad to know y9ou will be here tonight. I need the friendship and support of this place tonight more than ever.
HI Bettou, Just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. My H has OW, we had been in the same house an bed for almost 4 months, since he dropped the bomb, and he just left on Tuesday, I told him I could NOT share any longer. He was cake eating, and I guess still is in a sense, as he is still comes to see me. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Since he has left, he was here last night and was here most of the day today. It is hard and I miss him so, even though he has been around. I almost want to tell him, I want him here even if he wants to be with OW, but I have to be stronger than that. I like you really don't understand how making it look like I am OK, will make him want to come back. Right now he just keeps asking if I am OK? I say I guess so. I ask him and he says not yet. I know that acting as if will work, just hard to do it right now.
I just wanted to stop and let you know I am reading along with you, and I do understand how bad you are feeling too.
Thank you so much for posting. This place is full of such amazing people. NW626, Tawnya, Techguy, Cotoffguard, JMW, MT35, thank you for your help and support. You are all in pain, especially today and here you are taking time trying to make me feel better.
This alone gives me the strength to suck it up and not call H like a basket case. Having you all reach out to me is so amazing.
This DB thing is really difficult. Not just in the emotional strength it requires, but in the application. On my best days during all of this, I struggle to figure out how to not pursue but not abandon, act as if I am happy but not look like I have moved on.
Then, add emotional breakdowns into the mix and it becomes so hard to figure out what to do. As I write this, I am reminded of some sage advice I got on this board... when in doubt, do nothing.
So tonight, I will do nothing.
Thank you all again for being here for me. You people are really wonderful.
Yes we are all in pain, but you know what, we have each other and that makes it easier. You wanna know something else, I'm missing someone today more than H. A little wierd but not if that makes any sense. You will get to a point of detatchment too. I never thought I would be where I am right now in any sense. Gone through hell and now looking forward with some real excitment. Wouldn't be here if it weren't for the friends I have made here so always remember that. People aren't just being nice to you. You can make some really good friends. I just want this week to be over.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I so wanted to call my H the first morning he was gone, in the 15 years we have been together, I have talked to him everyday at least the last 14 years. If he was working a job away, I would call to wake him up in the morning. The not calling him at work has been hard for me too, but I haven't, until H noticed it and it bothered him that I don't call, he has mentioned it many times, so I do call him sometimes, about football games and such.
I didn't call that first morning, because he chose to leave and I can't help him as much as I want to. I don't know where he is staying, could be with OW. He called me on his way to work that morning, and it was hard to hear him. I admit this past 3 days have been the hardest for me, and I am not doing well at DBing. I am trying, but it is just getting the best of me. I try to be strong around him, after he drove out this afternoon, I balled my eyes out.
Please know you are not alone, I know it feels like it.
Bettou, the Krav Maga is great for punching sh%! My first class I was smiling the whole time. The instructor couldn't understand how I could complete the workout sections faster than people that have been taking the class for years. They just don't have my motivation. :-)
The workout is both aerobic and anaerobic. It will really push you to your limit...exactly what I need right now. I come home so pumped with endorphins that I don't even think about my W.
Don't call H...I post here when W gets to me or I get down in the dumps. The board has been a lifesaver for me.
