Still Learning

[nw626]

Beth
Tears = Abs of steel....LOL

You all have a happy T-day.

NW626

[Tawnya]

LOL Nw..true enough..but maybe she'll get one day off

Tawnya

[cotoffgard]

I've been right here with you, Beth...monitoring since 5am my time *yawn*. I was brining my turkey for the group of "orphans" I'm meeting up with later tonight

You're receiving a LOT of great advice from awesome DB'ers! I hope this post reaches you after you've had a GREAT Thanksgiving with your extended family. I'll still drop by this thread throughout the day/evening just in case

[techguy]

I said I was struggling with whether to call H today to say happy T-day. What if H feels abandoned? My brother very kindly but very firmly reminded me that H left me and if he feels abandoned he'll have to address that himself. Made me feel much better.

Ohhhh.... I can't believe I ate the whole thing! (old commercials anyone)?

Dinner was wonderful today. I'm fortunate to still live in the same town where I grew up... all my family here for holidays.

I struggled with the question of whether to acknowledge the holiday to spouse or not. I know alot of people go back and forth on stuff like anniversaries, birthdays, etc...

I've been pretty dark of late. And yes, WAS made their decision and need to live with the consequences. But my gut still tells me that wife needs to know that I still care for her. Too easy for her to imagine me as a heartless monster.

So she texted me to coordinate kid transfer. I responed to her question and added: "Had a fun time cooking today. But I did miss you". Decided that was a good combination of PMA and still letting her know I cared.

She responded: "It's been a difficult day". Pretty typical... she just can't directly admit that she missed me or had any feelings. But a vague 'it's been difficult' is something.

[VeronicaV]

Okay, i held it together pretty well and now I am falling apart. I almost kept my vow (I did cry once but it was in the bathroom and no one saw me). I feel like my heart is actually shredding apart in my chest.

Why does this hurt so much? Why am I not stronger than this? I want to call H so badly right now but I cannot because I am a mess. Nothing good would come of it and that hurts too.

I am so sorry I am such a wreck. I really tried to be strong.

[VeronicaV]

NW626 and Tawnya,

Thank you for making me smile, I really need it.

Techguy,

Thank you for all of your insight, you always help me. I am glad you told your wife you missed her and I am so impressed at your strength.

Cotoffguard,

You have no idea how much I needed to hear that you have been monitoring all day. I feel so lost and so alone right now and I think you may just have saved me from calling my H and really setting myself back.

Thank you all for your support and your kindness. I would really be lost without it.

Beth

[nw626]

Beth
Sorry to see you are hurting..
It does hurt and it hurts a lot, but I know you are STRONGER than this.
Remember the real Beth who can take on the world. This is just a minor speed bump for the real Beth.
T-day is tough to handle for most of us.
Trust me, you are not alone.
Please do not call your H.
Stay calm, close your eyes and breath, breath...feel the breath, focus at this moment, pay attention to your current surrounding, smell the air, listen to your inner voice.....that's right...stay calm.

Believe in Beth. You can do this.

NW626

[VeronicaV]

NW626,

I am so glad you are there. I feel really bad being this needy. This day is so hard for everyone and here I am falling apart.

Thank you for writing back. How are you doing?

[nw626]

Beth

I am doing OK. I kept myself busy around the house today.
I even made a croissant bread pudding for tonight dinner at mom.
Normally W and S will be here also, but what can I do....!!!
W actually called about 30 mins ago but I didn't answer. I let the machine pick it up instead.
I think I am too available to her. You know what I meant..??
On the other hand, I am not sure how I will react when I hear her voice.
I guess I will call her back later.....

NW626

[nw626]

BTW, please give yourself a break.
We have our up and down especially around the holidays.
So please don't be so hard on yourself.
Anyway, how are those crunches going...??LOL

NW626