Lisa, in response to him saying that he's trying like I wanted, I think this is in response to our last conversation, the one that happened nearly 1 month ago now...You're right, I should be pleased, and I was about to post a follow-up message saying that I was feeling more positive after reflecting on things. In terms of giving H space, it's weird, I had also sent an email (over a week ago) saying I was happy to stay at my friend's house when needed and that he just needed to let me know. I actually think he wants me to be here with him, so I think it's emotional space that he wants. I honestly don't even usually text/email/IM except in response to him. Today's ILY was a kneejerk reaction email to his...it was a mistake, but not indicative of my normal behavior. I think what I can do towards giving space is just back off completely on absolutely everything. Like you said, the physical affection... Signs had pointed to it being OK, but no harm in backing off now. I will react only. I will also not initiate any emails or any other non-necessary contact, even though I really had been pretty good about this--I'll go back to completely reactive only. Yeah shouldn't have pushed on MC either. He did say he would go, but honestly I won't bring it up again unless things change in some dramatic positive way...
Naej-thanks for visiting my thread. I agree that I need to take things slow. What is hard is that he gives what seem to be very big indications that he is ready to move forward pretty quickly, but then his words say something different. I can go slow. I really can. I do wish that we were in counseling so that I could get a real understanding of what slow actually means for him, but I will guess for the moment that it needs to mean him leading on absolutely everything, and me continuing to just act like a very good friend that shares his bed...Yes you are so right on the 24 hour rule. I wish I had stuck to this today, or at the very least just said thank you, and that I would reply later. I also wish that he would not send emails about his feelings, but I think this is how he is capable of expressing himself at the moment...
All, I left the sale early tonight, and was hoping to have a few hours to calm myself down. As Lisa said, I should be happy. I am happy and I must have sounded so ungrateful earlier. I am not. We have come a very long ways. I just expected the first conversation to be even more positive, my mistaken expectations. It's the marathon not the sprint, and we are walking in this marathon, not running...
So H skipped his 2nd class and came home about 2 hours early. I was sort of disappointed, but true to character, H did not mention our email correspondence. He came upstairs and asked what was for dinner. I made some quick food, and we sat and watched a show together, sitting really close with him leaning in toward me. He made some joking references to ML, and all seemed normal. We joked around about some other things, nothing heavy. In fact in the kitchen he was semi-physically affectionate with me...
Now he is playing video games, and I am about to go to bed. I am going to remain positive, as he told me I should take this in a positive way, and I know he has opened up to me a lot by even admitting he will try. I will be positive but like I said above, will not push on the physical affection anymore. I will not spurn his affections, but won't lap them up like a puppy dog either....
OK, will post tomorrow. Hoping for a calm and positive rest of the night.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
