Is this worth saving, or am I only fooling myself?

[Dash]

Nope don't think its too late. My H had moved out since May 8th. I didn't find SAA until September had almost no contact with him from May 8th to Oct 3rd when I started a strict following everything Plan A that ran through Nov 15th. I had almost 5 months of 80% no contact cuz he was a raging maniac angry fog babbler really bad. So i started after 5 months of 80% no contact. And I wouldn't have done it any other way. And I did it while he's living with OW. Never too late just needs to be done by the book.

yes go back an re-read the book. cant' hurt.

I will do that this evening. Perhaps I was in a fog myself when I first read it.

I suppose the next step is to GAL and keep doing the other positive things that I'm doing for myself. I've read a bunch of other threads here and I see a transition of sorts for a lot of people who are further along in the process than I am myself, including people who are at the stage of walking away themselves and being okay with it.

At this point I do still want my marriage, but it's very hard to put out of my mind the things she has said, actually it's more the way she has said them than her actual words, but either way, it's tough. I have been successful today in asking myself if she's really the type of woman that I want to be in my life.

Only time will tell I suppose.

[Trying2live]

How are you dash?

[Dash]

Hi T2L,

I'm not sure how I am to be honest. Numb perhaps? I wish I could say. I re-read SAA and it seems in my gusto to try to save my marriage I may have done more damage.

Maybe these WAS's are the people they're really showing themselves to be. Some of the things my W said to me stick in my head. Funny thing is, they don't really bother me. Even the thought of her having cyber sex with these guys doesn't seem to affect me anymore.

I didn't/don't know her. I'm not sure I want to anymore. Yet there is that lingering small spot of hope that just won't seem to go away. The memories of the person she lead me to believe she was when we met and were first starting out.

I don't know. One day at a time.

Thanks for checking on me.

Dash

[Dash]

I have OM's phone number and email address, should I call or email him? If I do, what should I say/ask? I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. It's been six weeks today and we're father apart now than we've ever been.

Saturday wasn't a good day. I do great with no contact all week and am even able to put her out of my mind a bit, but then I see her on Saturdays looking happy and chipper while I'm miserable and I just lose it completely and backslide all the way back to the beginning.

I'm really at my wit's end. And earlier today I almost had another anxiety attack.

I need some major help folks.

[kat727]

E-mailing him might mess with his mind but I would think what your ultimate goal would be. These OM/OW don't really seem to care that they are messing with other people and their lives, they are usually just as selfish as the WAS is.

I did contact the OW aka skank via myspace. I did ask her to stay out of our lives and that I didn't believe we could work on our marriage while she was in the picture. She sent it right away to my then H. I got some anger out but in the long run, it didn't make a difference.

Again, just look at your goal.

kat

[Dash]

I suppose my DB days are over. Not that I did it very well.

I found out that the OM had actually spent three weeks with her, from October 26 until mid November. He was shuffled off to the SIL's place on Saturdays when I was there.

I logged into the game where my wife met her new "friends" yesterday and actually spoke to a couple of them. This is how I found out about him being there. A couple of the people I talked to now hate her and she hates me for talking to them. Her "BFF" in the game told me having virtual sex wasn't cheating. When I explained to him how she had been downloading the game every day then deleting it and thus having a secret life unknown to me, he changed his tune very quickly. He told me the idea was to never let "Second Life" cross over into real life, and once it did the person had crossed a boundary that he believed should never be crossed.

It's almost liberating in a way. I fought the only way I knew how, but my line was them meeting face to face. Even after I told her I knew about him being there for a "week", she denied it. When she finally came "clean" about it, she admitted to him being there for a week. That's when I told her I knew it had been three. One of her "friends" forwarded several emails to me about him being there that my W had written to her. This same "friend" told me that there had been far more than three online flings. In fact W at one point apparently had four going on at the same time.

I think the kicker was her having the nerve to tell me they didn't have sex while he was there. Classic. I know her sexual appetite, and there's no way I believe he flew all the way from Holland without getting something in return besides just her "good company".

I also spoke with the OM, Kat you were 100% correct, he didn't care. I even sent him emails that she had sent me in September telling me how much she loved me and all that garbage. He said "Perhaps it was to keep you in the dark." DUH!! No sh*t Sherlock, what do you think I've been trying to tell you???

I could write much more, but frankly I'm tired of it. I don't understand what happens to people to make them such passive aggressive, narcissistic, sociopaths. She's a compulsive liar and always the victim. She had the nerve to tell me that I was manipulative. Among some other not so nice things.

The funniest thing to me in all of this is how she talks about her parents being passive aggressive, yet she can't see the patterns in her own life. Always the victim. It's always me. The OM had the nerve to tell me that if I had only given her some attention over the last two and half years that we wouldn't be in this position. He really has no clue what he's in for.

Thanks everyone for you help along the way. I'm sorry I didn't always follow the good advice I was given, but honestly I don't know that it would have made a bit of difference if I had.

Take care and good luck in your own situations. As the Rascal Flatts song says, "I'm moving on..."

Dash

[kat727]

I am really sorry. It is hard when they are so wrapped up in their fantasies that they don't even see it as a fantasy anymore. Whatever happens I wish you the best. Happy Thanksgiving.

kat