W called me this morning. She is taking the girls to her Grandmothers over the weekend for Thanksgiving. I had offered to let her take the Prius and she declined, said she likes driving her 'own' car, the Minivan.
D17 had asked me about that the other day and thought her mom was being too proud. She must have said something because W asked me if the offer was still good and I said 'sure'. She said thanks, she would save a lot of money in gas.
So she came over to print some things from her computer. Didn't really talk to her as I was busy. She left afterwords and I saw that she had turned on the dishwasher. Strange.
Yeah. That you were basically a chicken. I wonder why extending the olive branch and doing the right thing is so hard for us, just to merely take into consideration another's feelings...we basically suck at that. How pitiful is it we have to LEARN this?
Well, it's hard in my case because SHE has done so much damage to our family in her repeated quests to 'be happy' because I wasn't making her happy. She is no 'matriarch' for this family, just one of the teenagers it seems.
I try to extend the olive branch but then I keep saying 'wait a minute, I never did to her what she has done to me'.
So I question why I should try, why I should care. Her Stepmom said to me "Why would you take her back and possibly put your kids through this a 4th time?" Well, I don't know why.
I'll keep offering the olive branches, and I'll keep looking forward.
Yeah. That you were basically a chicken. I wonder why extending the olive branch and doing the right thing is so hard for us, just to merely take into consideration another's feelings...we basically suck at that. How pitiful is it we have to LEARN this?
Well, it's hard in my caseExcuse me? because SHE has done so much damage to our family in her repeated quests to 'be happy' because I wasn't making her happy. She is no 'matriarch' for this family Really, Frank? "Matriarch"? WTH? You know, I'm real sorry you didn't marry the long-suffering-June Cleaver-type, Frank. That sucks for you. But WTH do you think it's been like for her?! , just one of the teenagers it seems.
I try to extend the olive branch but then I keep saying 'wait a minute, I never did to her what she has done to me'. Right. That's the higher road. If you can't take it and just feel good about it without waiting for a reward don't bother taking it.
So I question why I should try, why I should care. Her Stepmom said to me "Why would you take her back and possibly put your kids through this a 4th time?" Well, I don't know why. Who said anything about taking her back? She isnt asking to come back. Do you do everything with a motive, Frank? How about just doing things for LOVE? Not the effort to obtain it but just for sake of SHOWING it?
I'll keep offering the olive branches, and I'll keep looking forward.
[quote=frank_D] I try to extend the olive branch but then I keep saying 'wait a minute, I never did to her what she has done to me'. Right. That's the higher road. If you can't take it and just feel good about it without waiting for a reward don't bother taking it.
Yes it is, and it's what I strive to become. Put the hurt aside and just be able to be giving with no expectations.
Quote:
So I question why I should try, why I should care. Her Stepmom said to me "Why would you take her back and possibly put your kids through this a 4th time?" Well, I don't know why. Who said anything about taking her back? She isnt asking to come back. Do you do everything with a motive, Frank? How about just doing things for LOVE? Not the effort to obtain it but just for sake of SHOWING it?
It's a challenge to be sure, to show love to someone who has hurt me so much, who is with another man, who I can't depend on to show me anything.
It's a challenge. and just for the sake of SHOWING it. Because I'm above this mess. And I know her for who she really is. I'm the only one who really does know her.
It's a challenge to be sure, to show love to someone who has hurt me so much, who is with another man, who I can't depend on to show me anything
I know it is.
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Put the hurt aside and just be able to be giving with no expectations.
That's it right there.
And it's not to say that you become a doormat, Frank. Or that you let her use you.
It means that when you find yourself interacting with her you choose to interact with love and kindness at all times. When you speak of her (except here where you can safely vent) you will speak well. Find SOME redeeming quality about her and focus on that. And if that one thing is all you can focus on for MONTHS, so be it. At least there's that one thing, you know? It'll get you through. It'll keep you grounded. You are not her Judge and you will not have a say on her Judgement Day. So cut it loose. To focus on her good quality(ies) will counteract your natural tendency to see the worst in her and feel the worst about her, which is really only damaging to YOU.
Your feelings are justified. The anger you feel on behalf of the girls is a righteous kind of anger. We ALL know that. You still have to find a way to let it go. You do still have A CHOICE whether or not to let those feelings define you.
Look where you were 6 months ago, and look at where you're now.
you're makin real progress.
the being nice to the X gets easier and easier. I see mine almost daily. we get along very well. I still help her with money, dunno why, I just do, I feel sorry for her, so I will always be decent to her, no matter how bad she acted in the past.
she has met many of my dates, I feel bad about that, dunno why, but I don't want her to hate herself. I know she feels like crap, but I can't fix it, wish I could, I really would.
guess it all comes down to that they sleep in the bed they made.
Rock indeed Frank. You sound great. Life turns around when you let go of the tow rope pulling you under.
You've honored your vows frank...above and beyond many others.
You have a lot to be grateful for: -your talent as the mega mogul -your commitment as a loving father -your courage to stand for your vows -your integrity....to show your W love and respect -your compassion...to give to those of us here while you are in the midst of your own angst.
Look in the mirror frank.....what do you see?
WTG. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
W came by this morning to get a recipe for stuffing so she could make it at her Grammas this weekend when she takes the kids.
I was scheduled to go to Las Vegas this tuesday/wednesday to install some computer equipment and she was going to stay over with the kids. Yesterday afternoon we decided to postpone a week so I told her that this morning.
She was ok with it but said she had stuff scheduled that day in the evening and that this tuesday she 'had it in her head that they would decorate the house'.
Now, the girls and I have talked about getting a tree and stuff already but W always breaks out the house decorations before that.
The thing is, I really don't know what to say to her. I didn't comment but it's like I feel like I should just do the decorating next week myself with the girls. Or, tell her that it's MY thing to do with them. I know that will hurt her a lot though.
I'm stuck on this one. She has no home of her own since she rents a room at her friends.
She also went on to tell me that she's been changing the addresses on her bills to go to her P.O. box which she 'needs to check more often'. She said she's slowly moving herself out.
Anyway, it's Thanksgiving and I'm grateful for my kids and my life turning around. I'm grateful that W and I can be pleasant to each other. I'm sad that she's moving on with her life without me.
