Okay, I'm going to have to disagree a bit with some of the other posters...
First off, you're an Ozzie gal, right, so take this in the spirit in which it's meant...
HARDEN THE F@CK UP!!!
You've got to start by getting a hold of yourself! He is not going to vanish into thin air. He's still around, you have a biz together...IOW you have time time time to get this crap worked out.
IMHO he is not "confused"...he is using this entire opportunity to hurt you and OM and OM's wife, and he's probably going to hurt his OW pretty badly too by the time he's done. Because he's hurt. Well stuff him.
He's not coming to comfort you, again this is my opinion...he's coming to bask in you crying over him. He probably feels like g-ddamn Superman while he's "comforting" you.
This sitch is entirely destructive and sick...this guy having an OW and still trying to get some kind of revenge against OM. Geez, you'd think they could just have a fist fight and have it be done.
I believe you need to get back into serious counseling and go dark on this guy until you have your head on straight. His clearly isn't. Right now the two of you seem equally embroiled in jealousy and possessiveness and emotional control, not love.
What do you love about him? What? The fact that you've been together since you were 16? You are going crazy from rejection right now...which is definitely the worst feeling in the world, don't get me wrong...but if you can step outside yourself for five minutes...past the rejection...what is it you can't lose? What are you so afraid of?
You can live without him...that's the first thing you need to get straight before you can think about living WITH him again. Please stop letting him shite all over you and call it comfort.
My favorite quote on earth is from The Outlaw Josey Wales..."don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining."
