Here's a draft of what I'm thinking of sending her:
"I really don't like the tension between us, and want us to communicate peacefully - especially around [our son]. I know that you're angry and I can understand that you get frustrated with me. But, we both have to deal with the emotional impact of this change on [our son].
This change, having two homes, is hard on him. Putting him down rather than just handing him to you when you come by just isn't how we've done things before - and I worry about the message it sends him. Everything we do or say, or sometimes even don't say, is having an affect on him, and so when I bring him out to you at night, I try to make it as normal as possible for him - which, for me, means handing him to you and not just putting him down for you to pick him up.
I appreciate you're sharing your thoughts with me and opening up about what you're afraid of. I was just surprised when you threatened to call the police while I was trying to apologize to you for snapping at you the other night. It was very hard for me to hear you say that I don't care about [our son] - especially as I've been agonizing so much over how our lives are affecting him - and so when you accused me of not caring about him it just hurt more than you might have expected. Still, I'm sorry I yelled at you over the phone - that's all I was trying to say.
I am not angry with you, [L]. I understand and respect that you are doing something that is necessary for you - and I also know that it's a very painful decision. I truly wish all the best for you and I care about you very much."
...any comments would be more than welcome... -carlos.
