Stop worrying about the past. What is done is done on your end. The key here is to get on track NOW. Be observant. Be consistent.
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GL,
Thank you for opening my eyes a little more. You point out some very good points. How can I spend 17 years next to your W and not understand her? Based on what she is saying I have lost that capability. She keeps telling me that something changed after the first couple of years. I guess I changed, but I cannot seem to answer the question why I changed. Maybe the answer does not even matter, and I just need to follow your advice, even though my own hurt feelings and the heat of the situation try to get in the way sometimes.
Same answer and same routine that I explained to you earlier. Go back and read my advice and then follow it.....
Here is your "standard" answer to her on most anything she says about the past or your past behavior...
"Yes honey, I can see that something did change after the first couple of years. It seems to me that I didn't let you feel heard or that I made you feel like I didn't take your feelings into consideration and that probably made you feel as if I didn't love you or care about you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been that way to you.. You are right. I can see why you feel that way. I would feel the same way if someone did that to me." (notice how often you need to say things worded with "how she FEELS or FELT)(women associate with FEELINGS, so use that word or variance of that word)
That's it. Tell her she is right. You most certainly agree with how she would feel that way. You are sorry. You are wrong.
Be consistent. Be sincere. Drop the subject and move on and be nice...
Over and over and over... No relationship talk. NO talk of "can't you see how I have changed", no groveling or feeling sorry for yourself, no "what about MY feelings" and so on.. You are a big boy and you can handle anything life has to offer. Strong, silent... (and YET.. in touch with how she feels)
Get it?
It works.. Get started... No time to waste feeling sorry for yourself or overanalyzing. It isn't rocket science once you get the grasp of it. You will actually be wondering why you didn't know this stuff sooner. It takes all the pressure of knowing what she wants or what to say.... Works like a charm. I have been using it successfully for years and years...
