Happy Thanksgiving to all on the Piecing Forum. Thank you to all who follow my threads and give of their time with their advice and comments.
I don't think self-initiative is the issue for me, so much as it is assertiveness and communication. My reaction to conflict is to take a defensive protective stance (like a turtle). I need to work on speaking-up.
When my W was sleeping elsewhere for many months, I became like a computer that went into sleep mode. I was still running, but not fully operational in the R.
I now need to make a shift and start being present in the R. It will involve having to practice and improve upon skills that were lacking before the crisis and distance.
In my case, it will involve speaking-up when needed, and being present when I'm with my W. As Lanzo has noted, I must learn to use power in the M, and not become a passive partner, who only tries to meet his W's needs, and neglect my own.
I can do this in my own style. It is a matter of having the courage to speak-up.
During a conversation last week, when my W was sharing her disappointments about recent past events, I took the opportunity to tell her about how she is disrespectful towards me in public sometimes. She wanted to defend herself, and minimize it, but I wouldn't accept it. My guess is that my words registered.
It felt good to state my complaint to her, and ask that her frustrations with me stay private.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
