I screwed up again

[AnotherNightmare]

techguy,

I agree that I cannot threaten her. She is in denial that there is an EA right now and believes she has done nothing wrong. It was her "right" to make this step. I guess she will have to come to the conclusion on her own that she is about to destroy more than the M she does care about anymore.

somberbrow,

You made a couple of good points. I agree with you I have always tried to help solve her problems. I was not a good listener. I honestly thought that was what she was asking for. I guess I have been wrong all these years.
Regarding GAL, I am going by what a lot of people here seem to start doing. I am doing all these things. What I was looking for in my M was some down time that I could spend with my W and my kids. But that happened less and less, and I felt completely powerless to do anything about it. In the few days I have been posting here, I am starting to realize thanks to you and other people what I could have done differently and what I need to do differently now. For me, I do not believe, it is the typical GAL stuff, but I have not quite figured what it is. So if you want to elaborate on your ideas, that would be very welcome.
I am trying hard not to blame her for anything that led to this point. What I do blame her for is the fact that she decided to pursue an EA without coming to a conclusion with our M. Again, maybe I should not even do that, because I should not have ignored the writing on the wall.

GL,

Thank you for opening my eyes a little more. You point out some very good points. How can I spend 17 years next to your W and not understand her? Based on what she is saying I have lost that capability. She keeps telling me that something changed after the first couple of years. I guess I changed, but I cannot seem to answer the question why I changed. Maybe the answer does not even matter, and I just need to follow your advice, even though my own hurt feelings and the heat of the situation try to get in the way sometimes.

Many thanks to everybody for your feedback.

AN