Your D sounds very mature. Sometimes it is good to have talks with the kids if you know they can handle it.
Your H is going to have a miserable holiday but this is good and it will force him to think! He will be missing your food, his families food, all the love and laughter and he has none of that. Your D is right, he is NOT happy with ow.
I hope that you will have a nice day with your kids tomorrow.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
(((((((Treese))))))) Don't think you've failed! You haven't failed your kids, and you haven't failed yourself. You have given, and are still giving everything you have.
You are trying to live, that's a good thing.
I don't know if your H is happy, or if he isn't. I'd guess he's not, but I also don't think you will ever hear that fromn him. I don't think that how he is should have anything to do with how you feel, or what you do. He doesn't need to control your life any more.
Hugs your kids, Treese. Your D is really wise, take care of her. Make sure you and they have a nice holiday. Make some of those new memories!
You are a strong lady! You said all of the right things to your D...you deserve to be happy and move on in your life. Whether or not H is happy isn't something you can answer for. He has made the decisions that have led him to where he is. He has made the decisions that have affected you and your kids. It's time for you to take back that control...you are choosing to be happy...so do you know what steps to take to be happy again? I know you do...baby steps...a little by little...you have come so far since we "met".
Enjoy your kids for the holiday! Live in the moment, make new memories...try not to dwell on the negatives...try to be happy!
((((((((Treese))))))))))
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
You haven't failed, Treese! You are an amazing woman and you deserve happiness! And if you D talked to a teacher at school, I think that's possibly a good thing. It's good for kids to feel compfortable talking to other adults they trust if they don't feel they can tell certain things to their parents. Provided the adult is trustworthy, that's OK. It's healthy for her to reach out to others when she needs it (she gets that from her mom!).
And, as for any embarassment or concern for your H's "secrets" getting out. I talked to my C about this one specifically in my own sitch and C made a good point. It is not our responsibility to keep H's secret. Of course we don't need to take out a full page ad in the paper or anything, but if we talk to someone we feel we can trust, or if we feel a need to honest to those we care about, then that is our right! If H has a problem with it, then tough. Dems da' berries!!
Take care!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Your h is fooling himself about being happy. Did you notice that he couldn't fool your D?? The try to put on a good front, but as your D said it will come crashing down.
You are doing great. Your talk with your D sounded really honest and open..that is the R that I have with my S. Aren't kids wonderful?
I hope you and your kids have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I will be thinking of you!
hey girlie, thank you for posting to me, so glad you found me when you did, its been so hard, i am just so mad sad angry sad lost. i really hope we can find a way to get in touch that would be GREAT! thank you for understanding
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
BG....I am very serious about if you want to talk....I will get you what you need to contact me....
Well all.. first HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Mine started out awful....with a text from H at 2:15 am...of course I didn't read it until 5 am...then I sobbed....couldn't go back to sleep....here is what it said.....
"Hi...after some heavy texting with D16 &D21 not responding, & S11 not answering for the past 4 days I'm not coming around & adding stress to Thursday..I'll call & see about seeing them on Friday..Gonna need ur help gathering things for next wk too if thats cool..I'll explain more...Tell everyone Hi & have a good day. Thx."
OK, WTF...first he tries to make me feel guilty cause his kids don't want to talk to him then he asks for my help for his court case with the mother of his child....OMG....pick it apart folks....
I don't want to cry on Thanksgiving.....
H just called....I asked why all of a sudden this girl wants money for the child and he said because we are getting divorced she wants in the mix...so I guess I'm on my way to divorce court too....
Last edited by Treese; 11/27/0802:50 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
He wants somebody to feel sorry for him. Well, he made a choice to go outside of the marriage and do what he did/is doing. Now he is going to run away and then come back a little and run away some more.
What does he need you to do next week? Honestly, let him do all the work if it is something he is involved in and make yourself unavailable.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese, I second M's advice to you. Be unavailable. It's not your place to bail his sorry rump out of the mess he's gotten himself into. You have enough on your plate with your children, the fall out of this mess, work and yes, even taking care of yourself.
As for Thanksgiving....sob, get it out of your system this morning and then enjoy the rest of your day w/your family. Your family are the precious jewels in your tiara and you need to be all you can be today to keep them on an even keel. This is just as difficult for them as it is for you and to have that fool tm you to lay the guilt at your doorstep on Thanksgiving is just too childish and immature.
Do not feel sorry for him. He's the one that created this mess and now you and your children are feeling the effects of what he's done. Protect your assets as you do not have to bail him out. The judge is going to have a nice chat w/him about monetary responsibility when the day comes. You are not going to be responsible for that support...he will.
One more thing....if he starts raising the issue about the divorce or child support...point out it's a holiday and you do not want to discuss the issue w/him during this time.
Please try to have a good day w/your family. I know it started off terribly, but hopefully you can enjoy the rest of the day.
I have always been a strong person and hide my feelings well but the last two Thanksgivings before this one, I prepared the meal as usual, and H never missed a holiday. We would all sit down and I would have to get up, say I was going to the bathroom, and cry. I just could not take it! I tried really hard to get a hold of myself and I had to and did.
It is normal that you feel this way. Just be thankful, and I know you are, that you are surrounded by those that love and care about you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
