Awww, thanks Red. I'm so glad you've worked through that challenge and your heart is at peace. You're one tough hot mama!
I'm still in the "I don't want to think about what will happen if he cheats again, but I don't think he will" stage. I hope someday I will be in the "completely knowing he won't" stage.
Oh, I'm still lurking out here. Nothing real profound to say, just making sure that all my old DB friends are staying on task. Have had some real odd week, some of the experience was great, others I wouldn't wish on an enemy.
So far it would appear XW is still on her skid. You hate to see someone you have loved for so long tear down what they have worked so hard for in their life (not financial) I think XW has kind of check out spiritually. I don't know exactly what ground she is going to stand on to teach the kids.
Myself, I'm doing OK, just not always enjoying the view. Kids are happy to see me any time I am around them. In fact S12 is always trying to negotiate for more time. The kids act more as a group here then they do "across town".
All in all I would have to say, I wish I had found a solution, but I do realize that their are two choices to be made and I'm only responsible for one. The lifting of stress is great, the loneliness really sucks. However, I don't miss trying to address the, "what is she thinking?", question. I guess if I knew, we wouldn't have a problem.
Yep, always a journey. Sometimes the scenery's gorgeous, sometimes...not so much.
I read that book back a couple years ago, in the early phases of my crisis and got her points, they do make a lot of sense. I think I do okay on most of it, but it wouldn't hurt anything to go back and take another look at most of those things and be creative and switch up some habits.
Glad you checked in, Mister. No need for profundity...just like to know you're out there.
I'm glad you've had some great experiences, sorry for the yucky ones. You're absolutely right on about choices. I'm glad you no longer have to deal with the stress of trying to understand the impossible.
Sorry about the no thread thing too. Wasn't sure where I should start it. Couldn't find a section for "stuck a fork in it", or even "done but cheering for your success". Maybe I'll get a job going around with a 2 x 4 getting through to our STBX_s.
I finally went to have a visit with my counselor...it had been a long time since last I talked with him, and it was nice to see how far I've come in my sitch.
I've mentioned a few times my confusion over boundaries and consequences...and how they relate to my Rs with H and kids. We talked about that, and I think I've got myself a bit more on track. He didn't say anything I didn't know before, but it was helpful to hash it out anyway. I left with the following list of things to work on:
1-I've had a lot of frustration with myself lately: not following through on projects, etc...and he suggested I talk about my plans with my kids and H, so they can help keep me accountable. So far so good: I'm making more of an effort to do what I say I will.
2-I need to be more firm. I've moved 'time-out' to the stairs (instead of a chair or bedroom), I'm paying more attention to what I say to my kids so I don't end up caving when they start throwing fits (see point #1). I moved bedtime/prep up an hour so they are getting to bed earlier and trying to not allow myself to become distracted in the process--better for all of us.
3-Asking for what I want is not nagging. I'm speaking up and asking for help, etc. from H instead of not saying anything. And so far, it's been nice. H stayed with us for a few minutes longer last night, played with the kids and helped me with the bedtime routine. It made a big difference.
As far as consequences go, I'm working on more natural consequences with the kids (earlier bedtimes for getting out of bed after tuck-in, etc.), and I've decided that as far as H goes, it's not on me to dish out the bad medicine for his past actions. I'll just keep taking things as they come.
Hi Aud! These goals all sound very focused. I know it's hard to keep on track, but at least you are trying. I am a complete softy with my kids these days. Luckily, they are mostly grown.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
