There are also a few games that she has played with me constantly, and I have no idea how to work on those. The one game is "mind-reading", the other one I call "getting historical". When she plays the "mind-reading" game, she typically says: "You have done this. Do you know how that makes me feel?" If I say "yes", but have no idea, it makes me look dumb. If I say "no", she thinks I am insensitive, and she is not going to tell me anyway. So I lose either way. In the "getting historical" game, she takes advantage of my weak memory. She brings up things from years ago to prove her point that I am this or that. For the most part, I simply cannot remember. Sometimes I feel she makes things up, and when I disagree, she simply points to my memory weakness. Stupid games, but they drive me crazy, so I typically try to avoid playing them, which of course did not help the situation either. How do I work on something like that?
You have been married for 17 YEARS and you really don't have a clue on what your wife may be thinking or feeling?(shame on you)You have to remember that many women want you to be so in tune with them that you DO seem to read their mind. Women HATE it and resent it when they feel they have to TELL you what to do or how they feel. I think you should put much of your effort into LEARNING how to "read" your wife. Trying to educate HER so that she "should" just learn to tell you these things seems to not helped too much. I would recommend learning to be in tune with her feelings. (and you CAN)
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For example, when she says "You have done this. Do you know how that makes me feel?"
Your answer should ALWAYS be something like this...
"yes, I know that I have been insensitive to your feelings and it probably makes you feel like I don't care about them. I'm sorry and know that when I "do this" it makes you feel bad."
That's it. Agree with HER view of you. Apologize, be sincere about it, and let her know that you understand that it makes her feel bad. It isn't rocket science. I don't even know her and I can tell you that when a woman says "do you know how that makes me feel" means that she is feeling not heard or that you don't think or care about her feelings and are not thoughtful and are not in tune with who she is. If you really don't know how the things you do make her feel after 17 years, then it is no wonder she is feeling this way.
Become wise. Be thoughtful of her feelings in whatever you do or say. Let her see that you DO take her feelings into consideration. Let her see that you are in tune with her moods and feelings. Women just want to feel and know that you care and are thoughtful of their moods and feelings and wants and needs. Strong and silent works well.
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In the "getting historical" game, she takes advantage of my weak memory. She brings up things from years ago to prove her point that I am this or that. For the most part, I simply cannot remember.
Here is how to deal with the "historical" game.
First stop calling it a game. It very may well be a serious issue with her. Why are you downplaying what she feels of things in the past? It points back to you are not in tune with "do you know how that makes me feel" issue.
Simple answer again...
"Yes honey, I know I did that and I am sorry for hurting you. I know I am insensitive to how you feel and I need to stop doing that".....
Agree... be sincere.. Just keep saying this same mantra over and over and over if she keeps bringing things up. What you are going to discover is that when you tell her and keep telling her that you are a DAM, she will start to soften. She may even start to tell you that you are NOT always that way, but there are times when she feels you are. Just agree that, "yes, you know you aren't always that way, but you do understand her point and agree that you NEED to stop...
Stay on this track.. Consistent. Sincere. In touch with HER feelings....
