It's official.......what now?

[mishka422]

I'm sorry I was such a downer last night. Still feeling like crap, but at least I'm partially functioning.

Donna - Sorry I missed your call. Dumb new phone! I turned it on vibrate somehow and can't figure out yet how to get it off of there. Technically challenged some days.

Email would be a great thing if he had a computer. He doesn't. The broom doesn't. The only way he can get email is if he happens by the library and uses their computers. He has a yahoo address apparently. I have forwarded some of Marc's school stuff to him there and some job info. He's never replied from any of it so I have no idea if he ever got it.

The cheesecake is in the oven. I'm on my second pot of coffee. Yes, I said pot, not cup. Ugh! I still need to whip up the casseroles and cut up the fruit but I really don't need to do that this early. My family is VERY food oriented when it comes to holidays. That would be why I weigh what I do! They expect certain things from everyone. My cousin's big job is making the honey butter. I had a text from her last night (that I missed - again thanks to the vibrating phone issue) saying that making the honey butter was about to kill her. It reminds her too much of her mother and making it together. It's only been 1 month since my aunt died and then her MIL died less than 2 weeks ago so she's a bit of a mess. My job has always been to make dessert (some signature item - not your usual) and a few sides and one of the meats. I got out of the meat entirely this year because I whined. I got my sides list down to just 2 (from what is usually 4-5), and instead of making yeast rolls from scratch (which I usually do and it takes me a full day of baking to do enough), I am bringing fruit. I've made a lot of adjustments but I can't get out of all of this entirely. That's just the way my family is. Suck it up and keep rolling. No one is allowed to stand still for more than a moment. Work hard, play hard - should be our motto.

You all make excellent suggestions of ways to get help. Unfortunately, where I am, there is no help available. Fayette county, GA is one of the most affluent counties in the state, my city inparticular, and that keeps the special services away. They invest everywhere else because no one here is deemed as needy. My city had to buy out one of the only apartment complexes in town and turn it into "low-income housing" in order to qualify for any state funded aid for the schools. The rent there is no less than the rent for my house! From what I hear though, if you can qualify for public assistance then they lower the rent to income standard. Yes, I already checked, I don't qualify. Not even close! The annual salary they allow to qualify for assistance is so small, I have no idea how the people who do qualify are not already homeless before they apply. It's crazy.

But I digress.......I know I've said it before, I'm really not making excuses to take all this crap on myself, it just is what it is. There are a few van services that you can pay to take the elderly to appointments and such. Medicare (Ali & Kalni - That's federally funded healthcare for the elderly) will pay for some portion of a few of them. Mom won't allow it. She will not step outside of her comfort zone in any way and I can't force her to. She's so sick all the time and frankly I'm somewhat afraid of what might happen if she were to start bleeding after dialysis and I'm not there to help. That has happened so many times and I deal with it. I couldn't trust some annonymous van driver who isn't trained in how to handle a bleeding dialysis access to keep her from bleeding out. It's a bad situation in all - danged if you do, danged if you don't.

I'm sitting here listening to the sounds of my dryer running, the washer washing, the dishwasher whirring.......goodness! I've got every major appliance in my house going this morning. Oven is on, fridge is running (thank heavens!), and even the coffee pot has had a workout. Ok, I'll admit, I've got too much stuff going on.

I sincerely appreciate all of your efforts to give me support and encouragement. I know for certain that I would be in a much darker place without all of you. That is what I'm most thankful for on this Thanksgiving. The love and support of my wonderful friends here. You all bring such joy even through all of our suffering.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. I'll be praying for each and every one of you today, and every day.