Healing my Heart Part 6

[fightingirish]

well, things went from bad to worse. I won't go into specifics but While doing the bills, I noticed a charge on there an didn't know what it was for. So I called H and asked him, he was avoiding the question and didn't want to talk about it (it was a rental charge for equipment) long story short instead of telling me that, he lied to me three times about it (like I wasn't going to find out)

I was so pissed... he bought this piece of equipment for 9k without even talking to me about it, knowing full well how tight we are with money, this is the last thing we needed.

I lost it, yes, I just couldn't take it anymore. I told him that lying to me was the absoulute WRONG thing he could have done, and that even though I still would have been mad about it, at least he would have told me the truth.

It excalated.

I told him that if he wasn't going to keep me in the loop why am I busting my azz for the business when you are keeping things from me. Then he uses the money card, and says that he can cut me off etc... that was enough for me to take my cell phone and head up stairs with the phone book and call a lawyer. All I really found out is that he can't kick me out or my children. The lawyer was kind of a weirdo, but I wanted to know something, he wants to see me on Monday at 9:30.

H knew I called a lawyer and he was really really quiet after that. He couldn't beleive I did that and how could he trust me now... ARE YOU KIDDING?????? I told him that I will not stand here while he waves his bank account in front of me holding it over my head, that I will do what I have to, to protect myself.

SOOOO... My poor boys heard most of this , it was unavoidable. S6 asked me if I was breaking up with daddy... and that he will miss his daddy. I told him not to worry about anything that we both love him to pieces and that will never change, sometimes mommy's and daddy's just can't get along, and it as nothing to do with you.

Nothing was said the rest of the evening. I asked him what he was doing tomorrow and he said going hunting. So NOW I have to explain why he isn't showing up at my mothers.. little backround.. there is no love loss there, so what the hell do I say???

I don't feel like going anywhere to tell you the truth. Im completely heart broken.

H did say that that I haven't wanted him in a long time... WHAT??? This man is seriously feeling sorry for himself. I did tell him that I was sick and tired of feeling unappreciated for all that I do, and that I constantly reassure him how we appreciate him for working so hard, but I don't get the same in return.

This was the biggest fight we've had in a long time. But it was a long time coming.

I feel bad canceling on my mother, I don't know what to do. S3 has a bad cold and now my glands are swollen, no doubt from being run down.

I also told him that if it was so bad here then why is he staying here with me, he says he wants to be with me.. ummmm funny way to show it huh.

So im sitting here pondering what to say to my mom, and what to do about H. he is in the woods, know way to contact him. I actually didn't even tell S6 we were going anywhere today, so I could cancel.. I don't know.. Hopefully someone is on today that can at least give me so advice...