It's official.......what now?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mishka,

Yeah, stop trying to be superwoman, its ok to cry, to fall apart, to not bake cheesecake! Let it slide. I havent opened my post for 3 weeks cos I couldnt face it (damn, got 2 court orders for unpaid bills!!! LOL).

I know your family are having a rough time, but you have had a bad time too.. you have lost a 19 year M and in a painful and condfusing way. You can support them.. they can support you.. stop plastering that mask on.. I'e seen what it has done to my ex, no good at all and it stops him getting truly close to people. Its just damaging and destructive. So, just go if you can, forget the food, forget the smile, be yourself. Yuo may get a hug off someone, who knows.

I agree about Marc too.. ok, he switches arrangements, but its posoitive that he DOES want to spend Friday night with his son and you get time off.

Also.. abotu your Mum, again.. is there any community help available to help you with her? Help with lifts? A day care centre? Any kidney charities in your area that arrange pick ups or activities? Or elderly charities? There is a lot of this in the UK, Dial-A-Ride and daycares and meals on wheels and all sorts, please look into getting more help for yourself and it will help your Mum to get a bit more socialised.

Just drop some of the balls Mishka.. you can pick them up again when you have the will to.

Al xxx