Where are we?

[sandi2]

Oh Jay, my heart just hurts for you b/c I think your wife is hooked bad on the computer thing. That is exactly how I got caught up in all my mess. It all started so innoncently......just a simple free on line game. I did not own a web cam at that time either. At first I did not tollerate any type of flirtation.....when I saw that was what they were there for....I was out of the game and moved on. But, after a while, I began to flirt a little also and I discovered it was fun. In fact, I was doing a lot of those giggles myself. I had not had anyone to actually flirt with me since before I was married. So, I felt like a teenager again. That was the beginning of my downfall. The men would, of coure, want to be on my "friends list" and they kept after me to get a cam. So, finally I got the nerve and bought one. I did not try to keep it a secret from my H. I always left the door open and as far as he knew, we were just playing a game. I think he started getting frustated at all the time I was spending on the "games" when he started to come in the room and look at the screen and ask who was winning. Of course he could he me laughing and having a good time. But, then things got into deeper stuff and then.....he confronted me about the proof he had and told me to delete all the contacts. I did......except one somehow was able to still reach me when I went on line a couple of nights later. Well, I hung on to him b/c he was my "life line". Isn't that sad? But, that is how I felt. That is why it is like a drug. It is an addiction. When my H found out about me keeping that one man a secret contact, he blew up.....and that is when it went into a full blown EA.

So, I'm telling you that your wife is showing all the signs and needs to be stopped before it goes any farther. One way you could find out if things are on the up and up is to sit next to her to watch the game and see the chat. Of course she won't get involved with the person......if she even plays with you watching. She will be very angry and defensive and want to know why you are wanting to watch, etc. That is a dead give-a-way. If you have access to her friends list.......see if it is all men or mostly men on there. Also, that leades to the IM stuff and that is where I really got into trouble b/c my H found my IM messages I had written. I was so careless and stupid b/c I did not give him credit for knowing enough about computer to figure out how to find all of that. But he did.

Originally Posted By: sandi2

When emotional needs are not met......that is one of the first things that, I believe, causes a S to turn to another person.

But how do you meet your W emotional needs when she has emotionally disconnected and for all appearances does not want me to feed her emotional needs. She says she wants me to support her needs to accomplish what she wants to do with her life now.

That is the problem you are faced at this point. She had to go without "some" emotional need being met and had to adapt to it for so long that she feels disconnected and doesn't want you to touch her. I think it is some sort of subconcious way that we have of protecting ourselves.....but I'm no doctor. I just know that we have to learn to adapt and accept things if we are going to stay in a situation we can't change, so it is like we women (and I think a lot of men) can build this "wall" around them to protect themselves from being receptive to the very thing that they have wanted for so long. I went through all of that. She is getting her emotional needs filled by the men she is contacting on the computer. As far as that last statement.....I think she is talking about something entirely different. Not emotional needs there, but either financial or something else.

You have a long, hard road ahead of you if you want to stand for your M. But, I am still here with my H in my M. I never left. It was a long period of anger and resentment and other emotions b/c I did not want to be here! So....it took a long time for me to start to come around. It can be done. You've got to be a pretty big person to take on the challenge. But, I bet you can do it if you think she is valuable enough to work that hard. Is she?


Sandi