It's official.......what now?

[mishka422]

Thanks Donna. I will take a look at that book. I appreciate you taking the time to get that for me.

I haven't been able to have any get-aways at all. No time. No energy. Just barely functioning through my days as it is. Some day maybe.....when I have a complete breakdown and they have to lock me up in a padded cell. I'll get plenty of rest then.

I was supposed to make a cheesecake tonight. Didn't happen. I have to get up at 5:30a anyway to take my mom to dialysis so I may as well do it then. I have to also mix up two casseroles and cut up a bunch of fruit for a tray. Joy.

Gabe took Marc to karate tonight. I had made sure to time dinner to be ready for him when he got home at 7:15p. It was shrimp scampi pasta, Marc's very favorite. The only problem with this is that at 7:35p still no Marc. He had left his cell phone at home so I called Gabe to find out if they were on their way back yet. Gabe told me he had taken him to Wamart to get him "an item for his birthday". I asked, "An item?" and Gabe got all huffy with me and said, "A toy. A stinkin' toy for his birthday." I didn't get mad with him, I just said ok and hung up. He got him some stupid piece of crap toy - the kid is 14! He doesn't need this junk anymore. He needs to grow up! He needs a new coat, sweatshirts, jeans. Not junk. Nothing I can do about it. Gabe has never thought practically in his whole life, I can't expect him to now.

Marc came to ask me if he could take his new toy with him to his dad's on Friday when he goes to stay. I told him he could take it with him but that he was only going for the day and would be home that night. He told me his dad asked him if he wanted to spend the night and he told him yes. Excuse me? I never said he could. No one asked me. Gabe assumes that whatever Marc says he wants is what is going to happen. Now, practically speaking, it would be easier for Marc to just go ahead and spend the night over there since I'm working until 11pm Friday night anyway. The point is, HE DIDN'T ASK ME! WTF????

I have sole custody. This is not his weekend. I gave him the day on Friday because he wanted to do something special with him. I have Friday during the day off but I'm losing that time with him so he can do this special thing with his dad. Now he takes an overnight without asking me. I'm pissed. I want to call and shout at him. I want to scold him. I want to throw the D agreement in his face and tell him that if he's going to be an a$$ then I'll enforce the exact visitation schedule that is in the papers and to he11 with him.

I won't do any of this because it would do no good. Gabe only thinks of himself and doesn't give a rip what his actions do to others. I'm too tired to fight with him about it. I'm sick of all of this with him.

Now I have to go play "happy go lucky Michelle" with my family tomorrow. Plastered smile, dead eyes that no one will notice, and a dead soul that no one will see.

I'm begininning to think I'm just going to drop everything off over at my cousin's and come home to stay. I can't pull this off. My defenses are too crushed to hide well enough. They are all hurting because of the deaths in our family recently, they don't need to have me in the middle of it with my own crappy attitude. They're down enough and don't deserve the crap I bring to the table.

Yeah, that does it, I'm staying home.