From someone who lives the divorced life, it is difficult. Especially with kids. The contact with the X never goes away.
I will never tell you what is right or what is wrong and don't think I have to date. All I will say is when faced with choices, specifically ones that involve emotions, reacting to those emotions typically is not a decision made with a clear head.
The other proven point to consider is the easy road is hardly ever the right road. I am not at all discounting what you are feeling, or questioning your thought process regarding your M believe me I've had the same thoughts. What I am saying is you have not given yourself enough time to digest your new surroundings. Meaning you've recently dropped the rope and have found a new sense of calm. What you are experiencing seems almost euphoric compared to where you were only 1 month ago. It is a great feeling, try not to confuse it with any type of constant. When we go through traumatic experiences such as affairs, our senses our peaked. We recognize and notice the slightest little things. We anaylize things to death, we look for the smallest of positive re-enforcment and when those smallest of things appear, it hits us like a wave.
I compare dropping the rope to the largest wave that has hit you since you dicovered the affair. The difference is, this is a good feeling. In the same way the discovery of an affair challenges us emotionally, dropping the rope will also present a challenge. If you can step back and let the dust settle from this change and see where things fall, you will be able to have much greater control over your future choices.
Cloud this with you being attracted to someone else and you stand a good chance of letting your emotions dictate your decisions.
My best advice, don't make any kind of permanent decisions for 3 months. I'm suggesting, no D talk, no new male relationships and please talk to professional, both individually and with your H. As I said before, you are entering a new phase with new challenges. Learn the dynamics of what you are facing. You will be far better prepared to make informed decisions when the time comes.
Your call on what to do. We are not here to judge, just offer experience. In closing, I will simply state, has the advice and counsel we have given been wrong yet?
