Tired of the fight and ready to hang it up.

[marriedCrazy]

Happy Thanksgiving LE..

I'll be out of here until Friday. I stuggle with the same thoughts as you concerning coming back to the W. In fact, I struggle with the thought of if I should be on these boards at all anymore; as I lean closer and closer to filing myself.

Take care buddy.

[Tawnya]

{{{LE}}} Hope it's not too terribly cold for you being out in the field the past few days!

Like everyone else says, you just take it one day at a time, allow yourself to feel all the feelings you have, but what you DO with them and how you handle all of this, in the end, will show the real LE..the strength and character and honor and integrity YOU have..nothing our spouses have done to us can take that away from us unless we let them..and you haven't!

Tawnya

[Tawnya]

{{Tom}} You can't leave the boards or I will beat you up! You should stick around for a while longer as well so you can give us words of wisdom and we can hopefully help you out a bit too

Tawnya

[kelaaron]

Hey LE,

I was reading Peace2u's thread and noticed you posted to her a little about D and kids. Can you do me a favor since you know how to link and quote and all of that technical stuff that I just can't figure out? I think she should read about abandoment issues and I know you mentioned something about what you read in my story and MC's wifes. I have NO idea where those are but maybe you can remember. I appreciate it. Hope Turkey Day is being good to you. Hug those kids!

[Babygirl]

happy thanksgiving my dear friend, I hope its a wonderful day, thank you for your comforting words the other nite!!
bless you

[kelaaron]

LE, got you msg from BG. Thanks and probably no rush. I just think more people should be aware how D really does effect the kids, long lasting into their lives. Don't even remember if it was one post or replies or whatever, but if you do great. If not thanks for looking anyway.

[Tawnya]

{{{LE}}} Hope you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving day

Tawnya

[Little Engine]

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Sorry I haven't been able to catch up just yet. Five days away from the Internet and I'm having withdrawals. Today is our anniversary, so we made it twelve years, although nothing to really celebrate. I didn't say anything to W and she didn't mention it to me. I had the kids this weekend and did okay taking them back, but completely broke down after leaving them. It is just not fair that she is rewarded for her infidelity by getting to be with our kids everyday and every night. I tell myself I can't have an M with her because too much water has flowed under our bridge and I am ready to let her go. We talked some on Friday and it was like I was in a conversation with a stranger. Her tone was so negative about a former co-worker and how she was this and that and blah, blah, blah. I just left feeling badly for her. I didn't have the kids on Thanksgiving and that was tough. Just not being a part of our usual family celebration hurts. I went to SIL's to drop off the kids tonight and everyone was there, but I wasn't welcome. Just a completely weird scene. I feel so alone! I just want my family back and haven't the first idea what would make that happen. I want the comfort of knowing I am going home to my W and kids and we will all sleep under the same roof. I just keep praying that God will sort all of this out and give me some direction.

[honeychurch]

I don't know you yet - I'm new here. But your story broke my heart. I've felt the pain you are feeling as a child of divorce. My dad left my mom for another woman and holidays bring up the pain every year for me. It isn't fair that you don't get to have the kids and that you don't have the joy of a tranquil, satisfying marriage with the mother of your children.

I'm in the middle of my own painful marriage (verbal abuse) and I can't bring myself to end it for this exact reason. I love my kids, love the "whole family" story, feeling. I hate that divorce divides extended family from one another too, through no fault of yours!

No answers, but a newbie hug to you.

[marriedCrazy]

LE, I know that the holidays are tough. I was surprised to see that I didn't even get sad once being apart from my W. But I had my kids. We'll see how Christmas goes.

I did some soul searching yesterday and tried to list the reasons why I love my W. All I could really come up with was 1. She was the mother of my children. and 2. She's beautiful.

I couldn't think of one other intrinsic value in her that I loved. So I think I've been in love more with the idea of an intact family other than a relationship with her. You understand?

I just wanted to share that with you bro. don't know if it helps give you insight. I just keep praying for guidance and try to follow where the Lord leads me.