Is she is or is she ain't (my baby)?

[sleeper]

She just called on both the landline and my cell. She was probably calling to tell me they're taking off. I didn't answer either time, don't want to talk to her right now.

[Andabelle]

(((Sleeper)))

[frank_D]

I commented she should be sure to make a good impresion on his parents. Her response was a brief chuckle.

I'm not surprised, HE probably wants something more than she is willing to give, so she thinks its funny.

[fisherman]

She then begins asking me what the weather will be like, what to pack, etc. I asked, "What part of the state are you going to?" SHE THEN TURNS TO OM WHOM I DIDN'T REALIZE WAS WITH HER AND ASKS WHAT PART OF THE STATE HIS PARENTS LIVE IN. I responded by laughing and advising her OM should know what the weather will be like, ask him.

My wife always has to let me know when she is going out of town. I don't know if it's a security thing, or an I've got to let you know I'm having fun thing.(which you know by now she is not)

I wouldn't doubt for a second that she asked OM what the weather is and his dumb@ss didn't know or didn't know how to find out.

Keep your chin up, OM doesn't even compare to you, and deep down your wife knows it.

[Bworl]

Sleeper,

I can only think about how much this stings. What a pissy thing to get from the woman you love the day before Thanksgiving. It's a low blow.

And I wouldn't be answering the phone either, to be quite honest with you.

The question will be, what will you do with this development?

You are a man who still loves the woman who divorced him. She is a woman who seems very reluctant to let you go, and yet still feels the need to have OM to fill her empty hours.

I have no doubt that you are many times over the man that he is. Further, it would completely shock me if your wife had ANY future intentions with this man, based upon things you've shared here.

And yet...

My instincts say that it is time to stop being so available and helpful to her. I could certainly be wrong, perhaps because of commiserating with you, but it seems to me that there is more than a little bit of cake eating going on here.

And I warn you that this could simply be my dumb ass man talking...

I think if this man can fill her days without the children, if he can be her entertainment for the holidays, rather than other family or spending it alone, then I think perhaps I would be inclined to let him fill some other roles for a bit as well.

It sounds petty I know, and perhaps it is. The trick here is to be sure that in yourself you are not trying to punish her, or get back at her in some way. The motivation here is to allow her to have a bit more of the life that she has chosen. And, in some small way, put her in the position of comparing what OM brings to the table with what you bring to the table.

Sorry for such crappy news.

I wish you and your children a blessed Thanksgiving day.


Blessings,

Bill

[sleeper]

Thanks guys.

I'm feeling a lot better now. I've been thinking much the same, Bill (see recent posts). I'm about to make myself scarce.

See you guys on Groundhog Day.

[Imageer]

I think that the fact that she is calling you, telling you what her plans are and asking you to keep her informed is a good thing in the broad sense. Other than that who know what she is thinking.

Don't dwell on her short term actions. For the most part they seem to have no good explanation anyway.

I often wonder if when I have the kids for a holiday (and I have had them for every holiday for the last 22 months) if my W is wondering what we are doing as a family and realizing that she has excluded herself from it.

[sleeper]

She has now called twice that I know of (landline unplugged) since she arrived at her destination. One call on the cell was from her phone, the other from OM's phone. She left one voicemail in which she sounded miffed and said she, "wanted to tell the kids goodnight". She didn't call last night to wish them goodnight. I had the kids try to return her call when I discovered this but she didn't answer (touchet?). She also wished us a "Happy Thanksgiving."

I'm a little angry right now and getting tired of this.

It's like she has decided she is entitled to her little mlc. The kids and I are supposed to be at her disposal. If we are not or are I am not playing by HER rules there will be H*ll to pay. She actually screamed at me that she would make my life a "living hell" if I didn't comply with a request she made regarding the kids one particular evening about a year ago (she was really under the posession of the alien that night and had a dead look in her eyes I have not seen since).

It's as if I have two choices:

Set some major boundaries and face immediate WWIII.

Continue the way I have and go on like this forever.

On the other hand I may be totally misreading this. She may be wondering if I'm out on a date and that's why I'm not answering my phone. Or maybe I'm totally done with her and not answering the phone when she calls.

My only hope is that she is upset when I don't answer such calls and OM notices and is irrated by it.

[forward]

Sleeper, You seem as if you are in a good position to make a call to DB C. You have had some progress and are at a crossroads and not sure what to do next.

You have definitely let the boundaries be very open and that seemed to be working, but maybe it is time to try something new now.

[fisherman]

Hey fella,

I'm in a similar deal right now as far as the contact goes. I can't go more than two days without getting call after call and if I don't take them there is hell to pay. I don't know about you, but when I step back, my wife will then do something drastic and rash to get me to react. I've truly never been dark. 3 or 4 days max and she is miffed.

You feel your damned if you do and damned if you don't. It's difficult to limit contact with children too, they will use them as an excuse to call.

I think you should take a few steps back, but do it for you to have some time to cool off and take a much needed break from the insanity. Not to piss her off. If it has that effect and OM does take some heat....BONUS!!!

I make it like a day or two on and a few days off unless something comes up with the kids. I tend to view her crazy crap contagious, the more I'm around it the more I start to come down with it.

Vanish for a few, let the OM take the heat for a while. If your not around maybe he will get a taste of the wrath.

I know you didn't ask but thats my take.

You have a great Thanksgiving. Someday she will wake up and see who she really should be thankful for.