I don't think there's theoretically anything wrong with one final "Mother of All R Talks" before you end it all. But the tone of your posts over the past week or two would indicate to me that you're too bitter right now to convey the "love" part of the "tough love" pairing.
That's not a dig -- just an observation. If I were you, I'd be bitter, too.
I was thinking of just maintaining the status-quo until we have a court date to sign the papers and then trying one last time to reach her. That will probably be 2-3 weeks. Maybe Thanksgiving as a 50% mom and Christmas morning without her kid will help.
I can't promise that we can fix what is wrong, but I can promise that if we don't at least try we will both regret it forever.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
SS you are funny, thanks for the laugh on my thread... tic toc is right.. I will update I promise...
OK I wish Puppy would give me the awesome advice you are getting... Puppy I might have to start a new thread to ask you a few questions too.
I agree that a bitter R talk won't be impactful.. As my C says... telling our S about our feelings and how this makes you feel is ok with out questioning them, or OM, convo... I did this exact thing last Wednesday with sadness and love in my voice and he actually listen and I got some reaction out of him... so be prepared and in a place of love, sadness for the loss of this M when you talk to her... get to her heart... it is there somewhere.
OK - are you or can you sign up on Face Book?? that is how I've talked to a few people from this board but we do have to be careful as they don't want us sharing info.. but I'm on face book and I can give you clues to find me... let me know if you want to give it a shot then we can exchange lawyer info.. isn't that nice...
thinking of you!!!
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Her whole extended family was in town for the holiday, so I gave her a couple of "my" days with S7 so he could visit with them. I went to pick him up at her parents house at 2PM T-Day (looking great by the way), and before I could even finish knocking she opened the door. She was standing there with S7s backpack in one hand and his jacket in another. She just kind of stuck them out so I took them. She said "Feed him good" and shut the door.
No "Hello". No "Happy Thanksgiving"
OK....
She was obviously waiting for me by the door, and she REALLY didn't want me in the house with her family. Here I was, worried that I would have to make the "walk of shame", but SHE seemed to be more concerned about it than me.
17 years of Thanksgivings with her family, and I don't even get the courtesy of a "Hello" from them. This is hard.
Anyway, we had a great Thanksgiving at what is now MY house, I entertained around 20 relatives and friends. It was crazy and rowdy but fun.
Last night my STBXW came over to TAKE *OUR* CHRISTMAS TREE so she could "set it up at her parents". Seriously. They live in a freaking mansion but can't afford a $300 tree? I did real well, I was detached, and looked/smelled good and it went over real well. I had the outside lights already up and the interior decorations done.
She had been knocking on the door for some time before I heard her. "Doesn't the doorbell work?" she said. I pressed it and it worked fine. My son said "HAHAHA Dad has the magic touch!" which I think irritated her a bit.
"Wow, your Dad has been really busy!" she noted out loud when she saw the decorations/lights. This is a 180 for me as I have never done the Christmas decorations.
After I helped her get the tree out to her Dad's truck, she spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to unlock the bed cover. Finally she gave up and said she was calling her Dad. I asked if I could try and had it open in 15 seconds... Once again, S7 is right there with "HAHAHAHA DAD DO YOU REALLY HAVE A MAGIC TOUCH?!?!" I laughed and told him "You BET!". "Where did you get the magic touch Dad?" I laughed again and said I was born with it.
She is still fogged out and distant. There is no spark in her eyes anymore and she looks haggard and OLD. She is very "matter of fact" and dry around me, with no hint of the joyful woman I loved and married.
Still no word from my L in weeks, which means that he has not heard from her L in weeks. My Dad suggested that "maybe she is slowing it down on purpose?"; I will believe that when I hear it from her.
Until then...D is the word.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
She is still fogged out and distant. There is no spark in her eyes anymore and she looks haggard and OLD. She is very "matter of fact" and dry around me, with no hint of the joyful woman I loved and married.
Man, that's really sad, Superstar. Really sad.
I think my wife's 3-month affair aged her about two years. Seriously.
Yup, my H's affair aged him as well, about five years! Lots of grey hair and wrinkles. But I look ten years younger! Take that, OW and H!
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
