MC issue... she missed the appointment, rescheduled and MC actually canceled at the last minute.
On a positive note she is spending more time with D7 and me. We are much more at ease with each other. Is that what happens...we go through a "new friend" phase?...it is almost like we are getting to know each other again...she is not as distant and communication is better.
Tried to re-arrange some furniture today and W said to do any way I wanted. Kind of implied that she wouldn't be here anyway. I was not expecting that and it hit me hard. Had to leave the house and get over it. At least I did not try to talk to her about it.
We had a great time today doing a non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner. We went to a Cajun restaurant. Things seem on the surface to be going great. We have a good time together and W seems to be at ease. The better our relationship gets, the harder it is on me. The more "fun" we have together I think why does she want out?...my thinking gets screwed up.
She does not seem to be contacting the OM...not sure if he is still in the picture...but don't know that he is not. It is hard not asking.
I know how hard this all is. I am sorry you are struggling. You are not alone in the little things causing pain, like rearranging the furniture.
Like you said to me, I will be here tonoght and happy to help any way I can.
It is a positive that you had a pleasant meal (I know it hurts that having fun makes you wonder all the more, why they want to leave). I also think it takes time for those positives to add up in their minds to one solid reason to stay. It is hard for us because we do not want out and cannot imagine lookig for reasons to get out. But their perspective is screwed up. They are unhappy so they see things from that slant.
People here keep saying time is our friend and I think I am slowly starting to understand that. While it hurts like he!! to be apart, it will take them time to come around, so the more time we can give them the better.
Bettou, I know you are right...time will heal either with our without our spouses. It just hurts so much. My W is like another person. The one I married would never do these things. We really used to be best friends...now I can't even talk to her very well.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I cannot count the amount of times I have said, "I do not recognize this man." The things my H has said and done since he left in August, well, that is not the guy I know.
It is that very thing that gives me the strength to hang on. It is obvious that something is wrong with our S's. I am not saying our R's did not need work and we LBS's do not need improving. And we are all doing that work.
Rather, I look at my H as if he is not well. Whether he ends up diagnosed with depression, or it's an MLC or it's a thyroid problem, H is not well and I am not going to quit on him when he is not well. The guy I know would not quit on me if he thought I were sick.
I know it hurts. I am so sorry for the hurt that you feel. But you obviously are a strong person and with help you, we can do this.
Bettou, I feel the same way. My W is going through a MLC and depression. She just cannot see it. She has become so self-centered. She does not see the hurting she is causing even for my D7.
We have had so many bad days and nights for all three of us that I've tried to back way off. I really am trying to create a safe place emotionally for both my W and D7. It seems to be working but there is always a 800lb. gorilla in the room. My D7 is hurting and it breaks my heart.
I am so sorry for what your daughter is going through. H and I have no children so there is no pain to be cause that way.
It's tough when they cannot see the obvious, isn't it? My H is having physical manifestations of whatever ails him and he looks terrible. Everyone we know in common reports that he is miserable and unhappy. But he's still sailing along on the SS My Marriage Made Me Miserable while I am standing n the dock watching a sinking ship.
I think you are wise and it is admirable to create a safe and loving place for your child and your wife. I think that is all we can do. They have to realize they are not well.
Are you a lawyer, too? I looked back through your threads but could not find any reference to it.
Bettou, I'm not a lawyer. I run a healthcare IT organization. I have our legal department on speed dial. Almost every decision we make has regulatory issues.
My W seems to be doing OK physically though she has just gotten over a bad sinus infection.
All of this came about when she started working out and lost a lot of weight. She took a cross-fit class and started looking great. The OM worked next door...don't know the whole story but he must have pursued her and she responded.
Your comment about SS My Marriage Made me Miserable is great. She cannot articulate a problem in our marriage other than I was "moody." It might be a problem but does not justify adultery.
