PM Thread #2

[Kakatal]

My thread locked so I brought your post with me :-) Hope I can help.

Kakatal, I know what you mean about not wanting your spouse back if she is not willing to face her own issues. My H is the same way, very much in his own world. Can't see beyond his own needs and I wouldn't want him back the way he is now anyway.

Everyone says there's no guarantee that they will 'snap out of it' but we can only hope, right? I would like to ask what you are doing to move on emotionally from her and detach. I need some advice that way and you seem to be doing so well.

My thread is in Infidelity - PM thread #2 if you want to visit. Any/all advice is hugely appreciated :-)

So what am I doing to detach? To be honest it is a daily struggle. I have to see her twice a day when she arrives at my house to either pick up kids or stay there to watch them & then when I return from work. Depending on the day I have some anxiety over just seeing her. Been working on taking a break on way home to just decompress, clear my mind & find my inner peace.

I love her but I do not need her anymore. I was very dependent on my w to make me happy since I was never truly happy with myself. Read my 1st thread to get a perspective on that. I'd say best thing for yourself is to do as everyone says, work on you. I had behaviors that once I was aware of them & their impact on others, I was truly ashamed of how I had acted. Read books on anger, marriage & relationships, found this website & many others.

I feel that I have found myself in all of this. I am so much more relaxed, less stressed, more fun to be around so say my co-workers. Feel I have been given a 2nd chance at my life to become the man I was meant to be. My kids are benefiting tremendously from it & they have helped me understand what unconditional love is all about.

All this is bittersweet since the one person I had wanted to share this with is leaving me. But that is her choice, she has a right to make that choice. It is my choice in how I want to deal with it. I can be angry or I can just accept it. I have put myself in her shoes to try to understand what she has been through which has helped to quell some of the questions for which there is no answer at this time; the why me stuff, why can't you try, etc.

Whenever I start getting sad I just think of how much of a better person I have become. I don't hate my w, not angry with her but I have told her & she knows that I am truly disappointed in her. She choose to not talk to me about things, choose to find someone else & choose to have an A. But how I react to those choices is My choice & I refuse to choose to be a victim.

If you read my post from today you will see that I am riding the coaster - feel like kicking her to the curb. It is a struggle but if you focus on the positives you have gotten out of this it does help offset the pain.