I AM That Rock

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

TJ--

I was praying and praying you would show up after I posted. God is good!!!

My DH also suffers from anxiety disorder and I know he is probably blaming himself. I do not want to blame anyone or anything. My mom was worried I would blame myself--since D9 being early and a failure to thrive falls on me, right? My mom is furious at the pediatrician I was using that pushed me and pushed me to continue breastfeeding, despite the fact that D9 was not gaining any weight. D9 weighed 6lbs 13oz when she was born, left the hospital at 6lbs 15oz. At 7 weeks old, she weighed 6lbs 2 oz.

I am not looking to place blame, I want to move forward and start getting her the help she needs. The email from DH infuriated me. How dare he trivialize it in order to avoid reality.

Thank you for opening up and telling me all the things that you have. I know it must have been difficult, especially the molestation part. I would love to print some of this stuff off and send it to him, but I do not want him to find out where I have been getting my strength from.

D9 is spending this weekend at home with us and all of Christmas break. We will start meds over Christmas. The goal is to have her back in the house by mid February.

Part of what hurt was the doctor asking me which parent she was closest to and when I said DH, the doctor wanted to know what the chances were of reconciling my marriage. I told him my position and then told him it was in God's and my DH's hands. the doctor said the best person (God) is running the show right now. He also said the best environment for D is with her family, her entire family. I did not bother telling DH that. He is not going to believe it right now.

I cannot worry about him right now. My mom said to me today I need to think about him as that favorite pair of summer shoes. It is winter time and I do not want to get rid of them, but I need to put them in the back of the closet right now. They aren't doing me any good right now. My focus is on the kids and their well-being. H will have to catch up when he gets home.

SMW