I AM That Rock

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

K--

I can finally come up for air.

I got done what I could for Domestic violence. I passed the class and I am happy with it. Ab Psych I have until the 8th to finish a paper that is better than half done. I can get it finished over the weekend this week. So, one last thing tackled for that. New term starts on the 5th.

We have the results from D9's evaluation. It is not pretty but not as bad as it could have been.

The doctor will not completely rule out Asperger's Syndrome. There are a couple of criteria she does not match on, but they also are ones that through conditioning that has been in place, she may have adapted to.

Their is enough evidence to establish that she has frontal lobe developmental delay. D9 was a month premature and a failure to thrive until she was 7 weeks old. All of these factors influence the development of the frontal lobe, where emotional responses and control issues are contained. That explains her outbursts, inappropriate comments, and anger issues.

She also has ADD and anxiety disorder. There is a genetic predisposition to the anxiety disorder and DH suffers from it, too, so I was not surprised by this one. The challenge now is establishing which is the primary--does she suffer from ADD because of the anxiety, or vice versa.

Oh, and as far as her intelligence--well that is now officially confirmed. My little genius is smarter than 92% of 9year olds. Not at all surprised by this, but it also makes dealing with the other issues more challenging. She absorbs information like a sponge, on an adult level, but only has the capabilities of a 9 y/o (and even they are not developed enough) to emotionally process things.

So where do we go from here? Well, we will tackle the ADD first. The medications for that will allow us to better determine the primary faster. We have to slow her emotions down some so that we can begin CBT to teach her how to process things better. We will start the meds over Christmas break, so that she will not have it affecting school.

I emailed DH--I kept it very matter of fact:

DH--

I spoke with D9's doctor. It would be a lot easier to explain this over the phone than it would be to type it all out, and I am still trying to digest it all myself.

Asperger's has not been completely ruled out. The only thing holding them back on an Asperger's diagnosis is her willingness to engage in conversation and make eye contact.

She has a frontal lobe development delay. They think this is tied to her early birth and failure to thrive when she was a baby.

They also believe she has ADD and anxiety disorder, both of which are complicated by the fact that she is incredibly intelligent--she tested in the 92% for 9 year olds. There are other issues that are causing her challenges with the anxiety, too, since she absorbs everything around her like a sponge with an adult intelligence but still only has a child's emotional capacity.

I discussed treatment options and what needs to be done with the school to get her needed accommodations. D9's doctor also asked which parent she was closer to. I told him it was DH. HE said he was afraid of that, as it is going to complicate her therapy. Dr. asked if there was any way to reconcile my marriage. I told him that while I wanted that, the decision was out of my hands and in God's and DH's. Dr stressed that the best environment for D9 was at home, with both parents working together to raise her.

I have not discussed it with D9 yet or what it means, but I will over the weekend. I want to find the right words so that she understands that she is not weird or broken.

It is late and I need to get some sleep. It would be easier to explain everything over the phone. Call when you have the free time to talk. However, it would be easier for me to talk if it was late in the evening our time--after 10--as I do not have to worry about the kids and being distracted.

SMW

I thought I handled it well, keeping things all business right now.

I got the following in return:

SMW,

I’d like to see everyone’s answers to the symptom chart for Asperger’s. She doesn’t even fit most of the criteria. I guess I’ll have to talk to you over the phone about it and see what the deal is. Every child I know has ADD and it was a YES for the medical pre-screen for most every applicant that tried joining the Navy. I’d blame her problems on us before any of that other sh!t. We all scream and yell at her more than anything and I was always too busy doing whatever instead of spending enough time with her. I’ll try calling at around 0900 in the AM which is right after all my morning meetings and cleaning stations.

Oh, when and how much does the rent go up? I need to update the auto payments and I can’t remember what you had told me for a start date on the increase.

DH

I am too frustrated with him to think. He would rather bury his head in the sand than face reality.

I want to ask him how he thought only spending 54 hours a month with them now was going to alleviate the problem of him not spending enough time with them. AARRGGHH

SMW