Yes, my H was just like yours! He was so unsure that it would ever work out because of the damage he caused. My H said that things would never be the same with us ever again. I said no they wouldn't because that M was dead. If he wanted to pursue a new and improved M that he would have to give 100 percent. It took a long time for him to take me up on it!
Don't tell him to go ahead and have an A. They seem to have those feeling for a long time afterwards so just let him get through them. Be there for him.
My H, S17 and I are spending the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend by ourselves up at the "ranch" (aka the dream house). I am committed to NO HEAVY TALK at all!! Going to just try to enjoy time together and PMA my behind off!! [Although this may be a challenge because H will be "working" S17 so he can earn $ for wrecked car...... ]
By the way, has anyone on these boards ever ask if your H would be willing to "talk" to their H? LOL! I'm just kidding really, but sometimes I wish that could be an option......but men, and especially MLC men can't talk about the tough stuff like that, even with each other [the really exceptional men on these boards are the rare and wonderful exceptions of course! ]
I hope you and yours have a really warm and memorable Thanksgiving!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I know my H wouldn't do it anyway. MLC was very hard for him, as for all that have gone through it. Your right he doesn't even talk about it with friends or his brothers. He doesn't mention it anymore.
It would be nice and maybe more M would be saved if they cxould talk to each other and SHARE.
I hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving. You have the right idea. Enjoy and PMA!!!
I remember reading somewhere that MLC is a pretty "new" thing for men. Up until about 100 years ago or so, men had a life expectancy of about 45 years, so they never go to go through this "transition". That, plus the fact that they don't talk with each other about things like women do makes it that much harder for them to deal with.
Take care, (((YR))).
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I need your advice...please read my newest hurdles....MAH....
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
In your sitch, did you ever initiate touching, or did you just leave that all up to your H? I'm not talking about ML, but about other light touching. My H is so very "tight" right now and I wish he could loosen up. I am a very affectionate person normally and physical affection is the one area H and I NEVER had any issues. I have told him that I want to try to not be so "reluctant" because every time I find myself going to touch him, I freeze and think about OW, and I don't want to do that anymore! I don't want OW to have that power over me!! H said he understood that and was supportive, but he is still very withdrawn. And I want to touch, but I don't want to pressure him, but that may be a way of connecting with him that he could understand, you know? What do you think?
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Obi-wan says.....At the beginning I did touch and try to hug and kiss him but he would stiffen up and back away. I stopped doing that. He stopped telling me he loved me a the time of the bomb and wasn't even able to tell me ILY until a year ago and he was living at home months before that.
IMO, I would go by the actions of your H. My H sent me big signals but stiffening up and backing away. It will come with time. Now my H can't keep his hands away!!! LOL
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