Holidays bring up memories, good and bad, and when you are going through the crud like this it couldn't be any worse. It's so hard when you know something is meant to be, that something could be so great, and your w is unable to see that. And, you wonder if she ever will.
This is the first Christmas, after about 3 years of bad Christmases, that I will be happy. And, even now, I am dealing with self guilt, especially around other people, since I feel deep down that I don't deserve them to be nice to me because they don't know everything. I'm working on that, though, and my H and I are good, so it's going to be a good one. I told you all of that because I wanted you to know that I was where you were at in some ways. Remember, we were separated, too...and only a few knew.
Being aware, figuring things out in your head, is all good. But "Stinkin Thinkin" won't help you. Don't sabotage your Thanksgiving. Think about who you can talk to, that would understand, that is not a woman. That's who you can lean on. Family, J guy, etc. And, you know you always have us.
I like that you are planning your THanksgiving and putting effort into it. That keeps your mind busy in a good way. Do ths same for Christmas. One thing to think about is how to get across to your w when she is over, that this kind of thing will NOT happen if you are divorced. She got your email you said, so I think she knows. That email was clear, and she continues to call, and remain close to you. Just keep that in mind.
This is so hard for you. I wish we could all be there for you in person. Wouldn't you just loooove me around B? It would be entertaining for sure!
