Well this is the first time in probably 14 years since we moved in together that I have not talked to him before bed or in the morning. Isn't that sad. If he was away somewhere, we would talk before bed and then I would call to wake him up. He is hard to get up. I don't know where he went OW's or hotel or somewhere else. This morning, I thought about calling to make sure he was up, but I talked myself out of it. If he is gone, I can't help him. I think he took the truck so he wouldn't have to go out and start his truck he can do it from inside, what I always did with the jeep. I went to bed around 8:30 tried to read some, but fell asleep after 9:00. I guess I was tired. Woke up abruptly at at 3:49, I thought it was morning, the light was on still in the bedroom, the tv was blinking. I sometimes hope that when I have a weird feeling like that it makes me think I am thinking of someone who is thinking of me. I hope that when I woke up with such a start that maybe H was lying wherever thinking of me. Probably not, but I can hope. I didn't get up right away cause I thought it was time to get up, then I look at the clock. So I turned of the light and went back to sleep. Until 5:26 when the alarm, I use for H went off. I thought he might call me on his way to work, like he always did her. I know I did the right thing, but it hurts. I feel guilty cause I know what BG is going through right now is so much harder, but right now this has just crushed me.
