Thanks guys for the posts...it has always felt like a supportive environment here.
Upside, thank you for this...the process of readying the house has been pretty upsetting for me, so I am looking to boost my support. I guess that posting here can be one avenue for that since I find people understand a lot of what it's like to go through. Fresh starts, yes, I think I'm not yet in a place of feeling too optimistic about the future--almost like I am more fearful of it than looking forward to it. Presently, it still feels like a future without my W. rather than a future of opportunities.
Andabelle, great to hear from you too. I hope to catch up on threads...it takes awhile to get up to speed with where everyone is. I appreciate your including me in on your post, since feeling forgotten or excluded is such a powerful theme for WAS's
Ali, hmm, sounds like an interesting article. There are times when I can step back and see some of these things that you point out...it seems fairly clear--but then there are times when I feel like she is so right / reasonable in her handling of things that I feel like a dolt for two reasons: 1. I must have messed up/been inadequate and 2. what's wrong with me that I can't get it together and be okay like her? I'm doing less of these now than before, which is good, but boy I still get wrapped up in the sad-->angry/indignant-->questioning self-->shame-->missing her-->sad-->etc...etc..
I'm not in a place at this point where I could genuinely extend some kind of friendship offering. The best I am able to do is try hard to be civil and polite. I miss her, but having contact means hearing about her life without me in it and I think it just hurts too much still. I admire you so much for being able to maintain a connection with your bf...I have been following your story and am not sure how you have been able to do it. It might be easier for me if she was really struggling or something like that...somehow it's almost like a power shift then.
Glamgirl...yes, I'm still moving in and out of many different emotions. Part of it that is difficult is knowing that she has not been able to hear the anger or own responsibility...even if she would, it doesn't change anything I guess. It's very confusing to have so many different feelings toward the same person!
As much as I feel huge anger about it all, I also know in some place in my heart that she is a human being, not acting from a malicious place, that she is trying to live her life in a way that is best for her. Ultimately, that's the difference for me: in a committed relationship, you are living with a 2 person perspective in mind, not a solo perspective.
Not sure what I want to see happen yet, except that I am renewing my focus on recovery from the accident and getting physically healthy, and trying my best not to clobber myself endlessly about everything!
