Hi BBJ. I've dropped in on your sitch a couple of times these last few months and would like to waterboard your Dan a little bit.
W and I are in the process of D and we had some people recommend tell the kids now and have a happy holiday season anyway and they will see things are going to be OK. Then our MC said maybe we should wait so as to not link the holidays with the D in the little one's psyche. We chose to wait.
It's a little easier for us, Mom has been out of the house on "sabbatical" since mid April. It started as a break from being a SAHM and turned into her not wanting to be married to me anymore and 2 OM.
I can empathize completely with your desire to not be the homewrecker, but, if you can give it another couple of months, it might pay dividends for the kids down the road.
We talked VERY briefly after the kids went to bed. I kept it short and sweet. Asked H why he was still in the house. Was it only b/c he didn't have another place to be? Because it gave him access to the kids? He said, "That's part of it...." I said well what is the other part, and got that infamous sigh and "I don't know"...
Then I asked, "What am I to you? Your friend, the mother of your kids...."
He immediately answered, "You are my wife....I love you and I will always love you"
I said, "If I am still your wife in your eyes, why are we doing this?"
He said, "Because I don't know how to do anything else..."
So he is going to start sleeping at his mom and dad's tonight, we are doing our Thanksgivings w/our families separately, but he wants to give the kids b.s. reasons why we aren't at them together, like he has to work during my family celebration and I am sick during his, etc...
That is the part of the plan I am unsure about, what we will say to the kids. I could care less what H says to his family, although I am guessing he will tell his parents the truth, if not his aunt/uncle.
Here are my only words of wisdom: Don't do anything that you will look back on with regret in the future. Make sure that you can be proud of the way you dealt with the situation.
