Yellowrose,
I cant tell you how much I appreciate you stopping by. I know that you have gone through much of the same process I have been through this far.

I have a long ways to go though. At least it feels like it.
I have been crying all night. Mostly because I knew I was right and My H didnt really have responsibilities for the race on thurs. but instead he is out drinking with one of his cousins.

He finally told me this after he was out drinking all night and I text him to have a good night and that I love him. He text back that he loves me too and that his cousing wants to take him out tonihgt. I said be safe. He text back "yup". And that is that.

I felt a bit let down with his comment "yup" when he knows as well as I do that he and his cousin will be 30 mins away down in the city drinking (most likely at some strip club because thats his cousins style) and will drive home drunk I am sure.

I dont know what to do any more. I am a teacher and a coach. I have lots of things going for me and my H never used to act like this.

It helps to know that your H cycled alot before setteling down for good. How do you know when it is over. Finally. I mean, really I am going insane in terms of my emotions and I just dont know how much I can take. The cycling I am seeing is unreal. But when we are together things are magecal still till this day if not even more than when we were 15 and 16 yrs old in H.S.

I know I love my H. That is no doubt. He is my one and only the way I see it. I have not ever met someone that has turned my head or made me more interested in in a rel. with someone than my H. I get hit on a lot , enough to know that I will not have to be loneley the rest of my life - if my H were to leave. I sure hope it doesnt get to that.

I envy you and all that you have worked for. If you went through this cycling and had success it gives me hope. I want my H to want to be with me. I want him to stop his crazy drinking habits he recently picked up with out me.

How do I get through this time. Do I stay quiet, or do I let him know how I really feel (which is lonely and disrespected).

Please stay in touch, you have walked these steps and I need as much advice as I can get.
TIPPER