Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

Thanks for all of the kind thoughts. These last few weeks have been hard, emotionally draining. I have so much anger now. I think once I got the all ok on my health the anger that I had been holding at bay came flooding in. I dont want to carry it, I want to just move on. So, last night I sent STBXH my NC letter. I have completely cut him out of my life. There is to be no interaction between us at all. I have blocked his email and the only way he can now contact me is through my brother. I know this sounds extreme, but I need it for my own health. He threw me away when I needed him the most, when i could have died. How do you get past that??? The only way I know how is the out of sight out of mind. THere is still a small part of me that hopes he will wake up, but I know he is not health for me anymore. I am hoping that the NC will help those feelings to fade as well.

When he first got the email he responded back with an ugly reply (I had not had a chance to block him yet). He copied it to my brother to make sure that I got it. My brother (bless his soul, he is a good man) call STBXH up and talked to him. Told him the rules of what he will pass on to me. He will only tell me the facts, nothing but the facts so all of his emotional crap and justification can be left at the door. STBXH tried to tell his side of the story, tried to get my bro to understand. Bro cut him off and said this was not about him and he was not going to listen to him on that. STBXH is mad because I am no longer willing to leave the house once a month so he can sleep here with son. Bro told him that if we were D, he could not even step foot in the house. He should be grateful that I even allow him his week night visits here. I think STBXH got it because tonight went off without a hitch. He got here, called me letting it ring once. I walked out the back door, he then came in the front door....NC. When I got back, I called him and he promptly left before I entered the house.

I have to do this just to let my heart heal. I dont want to look at anyone and think "I wish you would just die you @sshole." I hate having this much anger. I hate carrying aroung this much pain. THis is what I need to move on to happier pastures. I sure hope it works. I dont want to be one of those bitter broken people. I am the smiley happy kind of people (normally).