As hard as it would be for you, I think that he SHOULD have them for those days. He is their father. He needs to have the responsibility. I can understand how hard it would be for you to do that, though. Could feel like you using the kids for a purpose, but I don't see it that way.
And there is no way that he could get full custody over you. I'm pretty sure you have documented everything, as far as the time that he spends with them.
Or the LACK of time he spends with them.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I guess you're right H4H. I just talked to my L finally and she said I need to agree to having H have the kids all that time!!! B/c they look at if you limit access or not to the kids so it could be seen as negative if I didn't let him have them.
The weird thing is luckily OW is usually there most of the time so I think that will probably keep him from going crazy with the kids. I can't imagine he would want her to see him lose control like he has in front of me and the kids. If I hadn't been depressed, I should have put my foot down about that way before this, and I regret that I didn't. I hope they will be ok, and I'm going to miss them so much. But yeah, maybe it will be good for him to get a bit of reality rather than the fantasy place I think he lives in most of the time.... Karen
I hope it will be a huge dose of reality for both of them. Spending one night is easy, 4 is hard work. Maybe they will get a dose of appreciation for you, but I won't hold my breath.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well Karen as hard as it will be I would do as the L instructs. Let him have them. I think it will be an eye-opener for both of them. I think H may reconsider his bid for custody after this and if not, OW may decide this isn't quite the "Love Boat" she thought it would be.
Take care.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hey, H, Corey, and Kat!!! Nothing exciting unfortunately! Doctor's appt. for D9 then she had occupational therapy evaluation and will need that (for her fine-motor skills) once a week, and S15 gets evaluated tomorrow. He'll probably need therapy once a week also for a few months. Then went straight to the L's and then straight to the afterschool program. Dinner, cleaning, homeschooling, and here I am.
L said she thought there was nothing remotely attractive about H, looks-wise, personality, no sense of humor, nothing. I agreed with that; but I do think he was good-looking, nice, and even funnier before this past 2 years. I'm not saying he was prince charming or anything of course. But he's gone from a typical dad and husband and Sunday school teacher, to whatever he is now, just night and day. I've told the L enough about H that she thinks no woman would put up with him for long. She doesn't understand she said why a woman would be interested in him. Personally if I had met him this past year, I wouldn't be interested in him at all either. I told her I wouldn't have put up with it for 20 years, but yeah, I did put up with it for 2 years as a stay-at-home mom. I think at some point H will probably wind up alone.
I'm probably going to have to sell the house or let H sell it. It's very run-down and I could rent at this point for $200 or $300 a month cheaper when you figure out taxes and insurance into it and I'll probably need that money each month. And yeah, it's a tax write-off but I won't need that very much with my fairly low income I wouldn't think. I'm going to try to rent in my small town if possible (cheaper and I like my small town).
I'm going to volunteer for Thanksgiving at my church; feeding some poor people in my town. Then the pastor's wife found out I was alone on T-giving, so she invited me to her Thanksgiving! I'm like maybe you should check with your H first? I feel like a total charity-case doing that. Do you think I should? I told D9 that I was prob. going to do that and she thought it would be so much fun to eat at Pastor's house! She's bummed out she's going to a plain dinner with dad, but I told her I'm sure she'll have a lot of fun with Dad!
There are so many nice, loving people that have fallen all over themselves to help me this past year. It makes me want to cry (I'm tearing up as I write this). Yeah, I know I'm a total goob. But you guys here, people in my town, my church, my therapist, all have just really helped me so amazingly much!!! Even my L knocks herself out trying to help me. It makes you realize how many good people there are.
Well, I have to see the L again tomorrow AM! She's really preparing for the hearing next week (temp. custody, financial, and atty fees.) She is going to put him on the stand and grill him about us not having heat (he doesn't want to fix our heat so we are using space heaters), and the adulterous R with OW and how he lives with her & has heat, etc. Basically it sounds like she wants to make him sound like well, how he's been lately, and also make him realize she doesn't think the Judge is going to look as kindly on him as he thinks so it will help the mediation process in a month or 2. She called OW's H's L and talked to him. Not much info she said except that they alternate custody of her kids every week and OW is going to mediation in January.
H admitted in the depo last week that I have done the lion's share of raising the kids, and that his A started in November although he told me about it in December. I'm just feeling really ready to move on at this point.
I know how you are feeling. I will actually be happy when S16 can drive himself to school because then I won't have to see ex every week day. I don't have to see him much otherwise. He is such a selfish ass, but I will get through this next part too.
You are going to have so many guys knocking on your door it won't even be funny. Of course if you have to move, you know where Kansas is. We would love to have you.
I think you should go to your pastors. Enjoy yourself. When are you going to celebrate with the kids or are you going to do a separate thing like that?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
