By contrast, her F would come and tickle her out of her bad mood and eventually get her to talk.
this is a very insightful revelation you came to...you should also apply it to your wife as well as your daughter. not that you should tickle her, but when she does get angry, you need to keep it lighthearted, joke with her, and pull her out of the funk that way she can release. although reading through this thread, i do see that physical touch is very important to your wife, at this point, she may get defensive if you tried anything like that. however, do not clam up, do not try and remain calm, but immediately smile and try some baby talk...just my opinion...grain of salt and all that...
there is a whole industry that believes that we try to recreate our home in our adult relationships, desperately searching for those moments that have molded our core values and beliefs. how we were responded to as children, be it benign or bad, influences how we respond to situations in our adult relationships. if it was good, we search to recreate that experience. if it was bad, a healthy person would try to seek the opposite, but an unhealthy person would still search for the abuse. personally, i think you have hit on something that warrants further introspection...
