HTTE, The tough road...Facing the big D

[HopefultotheEnd]

Thank you. Part of me hopes you are right part of me wants to be done with it all(and her)

It took me a while to process much of what is going on these days. I've continued not initiating contact unless I text her when a window for my return. (I've decided that it's ok if I give her a rough Idea of my return time on the nights where she watches the kids at my house.)

We've had several instances of contact this past week.

Sunday, D9 left her glasses in W's car and we arranged to have her meet us on the way to school. W offered to take her but Since we were aready almost out the door I declined.

Tuesday she was dozing on the couch when I got home and we talked a bit about her day. (my arm around her.) She mentioned that the day before she called one of my good friends to go out and get pizza, I was not bothered on the surfice by this but deeper down it was unsettling. I mentioned it to my friend whom I see several times during the week and is one who I've confided in through this whole sitch. I did not mention it to her at all, but will if I need to. It was just wierd that she would choose him, and Im a bit hurt that she will hang with my friends but not me. I told him that I didn't want to feel wierd about anything and that it might compromise my ability to confide in him. He was supportive.

Thursday , I was not feeling great and she was sick so I stayed home. I heated up some soup, and planed to watch movies all evening. W asked if she could join me, I said "sure"

The kids had both uf us in the house for the first time in a long time. I know they liked it. Lots of kid hugs. We all finished the movie I had gotten for the girls (I wanted to see it too). I let Mommy do bedtime and most of the other stuff and avoided any "talk" but there was some chit chat. Put in the Grown up Movie and wasn't sure if she was going to join me or not. I felt at this point that I had found my "Mr. Cool" groove and really didn't mind if she sayed or left. She sat next to me and laid her head on my shoulder as the movie started. She said it was getting late and that she shouldn't stay. I said "ok". And we watched the beginning of the movie. I had my arm around her and she was laying her head on me still. We shared some chocolate and she said she had really better get going before she falls asleep. I was happy with that and said "Ok Bye, Have a good weekend and a safe drive home.

I was a bit wierded out that she was being so friendly when the next day she has plans to go to a comedy show with OM#1. We havn't spoken about it since I confronted her with the emails over a month ago. But I'm really trying to move on completely and my feelings were pretty mild.

This morning she calls and asks how the morning is going, at first sounding pleasent, and then says, "I want to take D9 to school and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. I tell her Ok, We're just going out the door now, the answer was never 'no' so we'll set up a time for you later. She responded with yes it was I've offered several times..." I just said, "Ok, we'll set it up later, we have to go." I was not ok with the demands and I wasn't going to argue with her...I should never had answered the call.

I do like my child situation now that I'm adjusted to it. Last night I realized that that there is really not "that" much different in my life. I pay the bills now and I sleep alone other than that my day to day stuff is similar, well similar while being different in a pleasant way.

That said, I have no intention of preventing W from taking D9 or either of the kids to school. I think I'm going to suggest Thursdays. Other than that I'm at a loss for words. I have no interest in trying to read her mind anymore. She did offer but in heindsight I took it as her just asking to help out and I said, "No, I got it.) Now, I realize that she was telling me..."I'd like to take D9 to school."

HTTE's mind reading skills are horrible.

We'll see how this is resolved over the holiday. I'd have her do it this week but kids are off school. That's Murphy for you.

Thanks for listening. Happy Turkey day Everyone!
I smoked a trial bird last week and it was great...Doing another one for Thanksgiving, Yum!