I don't know about you BobbiJo, but I see all these men posting on your thread and it makes me realize that there are really good men in the world who are not only willing but eager to have a good woman like you (and me?) who would appreciate them for the gift they are!
You and your kids don't have to put up with his crap! You and your kids deserve better. Maybe your H is dealing with some sort of addiction here, and I sincerely believe that people can change. They do every day. But they have to want to. That's the really tough one for me to accept. That he may not want to. But, the truth is that if they don't wake up to their own "issues", they will never have a truly intimate fulfilling relationship, not even with someone as wonderful and giving as you. And that's his loss!! But, it doesn't have to be yours.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
That is from one of my top 5 movies, Princess Bride. Westley said he went a couple of years with the Dread Pirate Roberts saying that to him every night....talk about waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it never did.
Think that is how my M feels right now. H will have fun with me, but then say (maybe not literally say but imply with words/actions/lack of affection), "Sleep well, I'll most likely move out/leave you in the morning". Then another day passes, and another....it is sucky that way.
Also, love this song, but it makes me cry to listen to it sometimes. The video is on you tube.
"Slow Fade"
Be careful little eyes what you see It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings Be careful little feet where you go For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid When you give yourself away People never crumble in a day It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade
Be careful little ears what you hear When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near Be careful little lips what you say For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid When you give yourself away People never crumble in a day
The journey from your mind to your hands Is shorter than you're thinking Be careful if you think you stand You just might be sinking
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid When you give yourself away People never crumble in a day Daddies never crumble in a day Families never crumble in a day Oh be careful little eyes what see Oh be careful little eyes what you see For the Father up above is looking down in love Oh be careful little eyes what you see
I love "The Princess Bride"!! A total classic!! And I've never heard that song, but I'll check it out. The lyrics are beautiful! My absolute favorite song of all time is Silent Lucidity by Queensryche. They are a heavy metal band, but this was their one ballad. It's not a love song either, but the words are profound I think.
Hush now, don't you cry Wipe away the tear drop from your eye You're lying safe in bed It was all about dreams spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain Of someone close to you leaving the game....of life But here it is another chance Wide awake you face the day Your dream is over Or has it just begun....
There's a place I like to hide A doorway that I run through in the night Relax child, you were there But only didn't realize and you were scared It's a place where you will learn To face your fear, retrace the years And ride the whims of your mind Commanding in another world Suddenly, you hear and see this magic new deminsion
I will be watching over you I'm gonna help you see through I will protect you in the night I'm smiling next to you in Silent Lucidity...
If you open your mind for me You won't rely on open eyes to see The walls you've built within Will come tumbling down and a new world will begin Living twice at once you learn You're safe from pain in the dream domain A soul set free to fly A round trip journey in your head Master of illusion Can you realize, your dream's alive You can me the guide but...
I will be watching over you I'm gonna help you see in through I will protect you through the night I'm smiling next to you in Silent Lucidity.....
Anyway, sorry for hijacking your thread, but thought I would share. This song has always just mellowed me out and brought "contentment". It sort of seems to say that everything is in how we perceive it and in that way, we are the masters of our own destiny.
Last edited by Silent Chrleader; 11/25/0809:00 PM.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Live another day Climb a little higher Find another reason to stay Ashes in your hands Mercy in your eyes If youre searching for a silent sky...
You wont find it here Look another way You wont find it here So die another day
The coldness of his words The message in his silence face the candle to the wind... This distance in my voice Isnt leaving you a choice So if youre looking for a time to run away...
You wont find it here Look another way You wont find it here So die another day
They took pictures of our dreams Ran to hide behind the stairs And said maybe when its right for you, theyll fall But if they dont come down Resist the need to pull them in And throw them away Better to save the mystery Than surrender to the secret
You wont find it here Look another way You wont find it here So die another day
Thanks for the songs, guys. I am still in a heavy mood....I feel like I just want H to come home tonight so I can tell him how I am feeling. Tell him I can't go through the next several days of playing happy family when he is planning on moving out ASAP...it isn't fair to any of us this way. I am sure he will not like what I have to say but I also know he will not disagree, he knows I am only being honest.
That is one thing I have noticed that makes me think OW is not on the front burner. Up until July he would dispute things I said, blame me, deflect, etc etc
Now when we talk like we did Saturday he says he doesn't blame me for this, he knows I have done more, been more, given more, (yadayadayada) than any woman should ever have to. He sees how I love him, he knows how I feel.
He even admits now that we frequently have good times together, that we CAN get along and have fun (last winter/spring he would have said NO way we could do that)...in fact he had fun with me at dinner a week ago Saturday, when he was planning to tell me he was done, so he couldn't/didn't tell me he was done b/c it confused him that we could enjoy each other...
So tonight he will say he understands why I feel that way, but he doesn't see why it can't wait a few more days (I know, don't assume). I figure Tom from work is headed to St. Louis tomorrow (his wife lives there and he commutes, long story but they do have a good marriage) for the long weekend, so Dan would have a place to crash if he needs it...
Anyway this is a long ramble I am sure. It is just sad to think this chapter of my life is ending. It sounds pretty bleak when you read my summary of H's misdeeds. But that doesn't talk about
*The time he lined my dorm hallway/stairs with balloons for our second anniversary (dating)
*The time he had 20 fraternity brothers drive 90 minutes to serenade me at a restaurant when he proposed
*How he always called from business trips at night and would talk to me, tell me how he missed me...
*The way he bawled after the short-term A he had when Nate was a tiny baby, and he told me he couldn't imagine life without me, Nate and I were "his world"...
*The countless beautiful cards he has given me telling me how he loves me, he builds his dreams around me, and--once we had kids--our family
There have been wonderful moments, or trust me I wouldn't still be here. It is just that in the past 2 years those moments have been fewer and farther between with no indication that will change any time soon.
So, time to rock the boat. Do Something Different. Take my life back...
YAY!!!! You rock Bobbi, I think you are doing the right thing... you know, who knows how he will react in time, once 'the worm has turned' ?? It might shock him and at least he will have to face up to his decision and feel the consequences...
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
After reading your post about your husband's misdeeds and the way he was early on....
well, I can see he's a romantic. The bad news is that he seems to want to keep recreating the headiness of new love, and that always levels off. He can't seem to understand that this is just what happens in real relationships.
Hey lil sis, stop with the moving videos and calm down. You are not helpless, you have choices, you are smart, you can pull this off and come out of it better and stronger and happier. Good night xxx K
