I am swimming in Soap Suds!

[1hope]

Well yesterday was OW's Birthday....how did I find that out? Went out to start up H's jeep this morning and a pink receipt fell out of the door, It was from a flower shop, a dozen long stem red roses and two balloons. I was crushed.

Who wouldn't have been?

H didn't get home until after 2:00. He slept out on the couch, I got him up this morning, didn't say anything to him, him nothing to me. I go outside to start the jeep, it wasn't covered in frost because he didn't get home until late. So I come in after I find the receipt, I am very upset, not crying just can't breath.

You are ok. Breath.

I look at H and he says what is wrong, takes me a bit to say you bought her roses and balloons. H responds shortly it was her Birthday. I just looked at him. Then I said, and I wish I wouldn't have, You never bought me a dozen roses, H said I have bought you lots of stuff.

Oh boy. Sweetie, he is really playing word games here. He needs a wake up call.

I tell him, I told you I am not going to share, H says fine I will be out of here tonight.

Do not back track on this. You have drawn your boundary, keep it there. You don't want him to leave, but he is obviously not taking anything you say serious.

Why didn't you want to talk to me last night, H says I didn't not want to.

More word games. You know why MT, he was with her.

I said Are you even trying to come back to me? H says I was. I said did she know this? I says I would think so.

More word games!

I so wish I would have said, giving a gift of 12 red roses, doesn't make something you aren't trying to work on thing with your wife. But I didn't think of that until later. Damn it. I said if you want to work I don't want you to leave. I told him I worried about him last night he H never really said anything else to me. Then he left.

MT, 2x4 time!!! DON'T SECOND QUESS YOURSELF! You did nothing wrong. Don't wish anything. You did the best you could. You did better than I would have.

A man does not buy roses for someone he is trying to break up with. Having said that, he has done nothing more than he has been doing all the long, it's just finally coming to a head. And it will have to do that before it can heal.

I wish I wouldn't have said anything, Yes I needed to say again I am not sharing, but why did I say You never bought me 12 roses.

Don't questions yourself. You said that because he hurt you. He has been hurting you for months now, and you have taken it better than most women I know ever could. He finally hit you below the belt.

I wish I would have said that you don't let someone know you are working on your marriage by giving them red roses! I could just kick myself.

You still can. Say that I mean. No kicking of yourself.

So who knows what this will lead to now. I may get home tonight and everything of his will be gone. I hope not, and I know I didn't over react, because red roses don't say I don't want to be with you.

MT, this may indeed be your boundary. You did not over-react. I am so sorry you are going thru this. But keep your head up, keep breathing and don't saying else except that you will not share. Don't help him. Make it be his choice.