I finally went to have a visit with my counselor...it had been a long time since last I talked with him, and it was nice to see how far I've come in my sitch.
I've mentioned a few times my confusion over boundaries and consequences...and how they relate to my Rs with H and kids. We talked about that, and I think I've got myself a bit more on track. He didn't say anything I didn't know before, but it was helpful to hash it out anyway. I left with the following list of things to work on:
1-I've had a lot of frustration with myself lately: not following through on projects, etc...and he suggested I talk about my plans with my kids and H, so they can help keep me accountable. So far so good: I'm making more of an effort to do what I say I will.
2-I need to be more firm. I've moved 'time-out' to the stairs (instead of a chair or bedroom), I'm paying more attention to what I say to my kids so I don't end up caving when they start throwing fits (see point #1). I moved bedtime/prep up an hour so they are getting to bed earlier and trying to not allow myself to become distracted in the process--better for all of us.
3-Asking for what I want is not nagging. I'm speaking up and asking for help, etc. from H instead of not saying anything. And so far, it's been nice. H stayed with us for a few minutes longer last night, played with the kids and helped me with the bedtime routine. It made a big difference.
As far as consequences go, I'm working on more natural consequences with the kids (earlier bedtimes for getting out of bed after tuck-in, etc.), and I've decided that as far as H goes, it's not on me to dish out the bad medicine for his past actions. I'll just keep taking things as they come.
