good morning all...or early afternoon if you will.

"go, just go"

that was the start, it popped in my head this morning. I always felt sorry for that Kid and wondered how he could just say that with "no emotion" It all turned out "happily ever after" in that movie...with "you complete me's" and "you had me at hello, you had me at hello" and so it began..

I had a nice text on my cell from "the kosher connection" in West Tennessee...that was nice man..it was calming and yes, it is ok to feel today. I happened to be reading that text when my cell phone went off....the ringtone just happened to be circus music....yes..Kim's ring is "Circus Music"..so the convo went like this...and this is a disclaimer for all you looking for some magic...there was none, there was no last second slow down, there was no reprieve..there were no regrets..so on with the convo....Kim said she wanted to talk with me about Caleigh, tomorrow and Thanksgiving..now, I have Caleigh from 9-3 for Thanksgiving..no more, no less so here we go..Kim asked me If I wanted to pick Caleigh up after daycare tomorrow, keep her over night and bring her back to a different drop off place on Thursday at 6:00pm..Kim is having surgery tomorrow on her knee...so I'm wondering what's up..what's the catch, why this when she has a problem with the ROFR being less than 48 hours..why today?? so I figure..she's throwing me a bone..she's throwing the dog a bone to keep the dog calm for what is coming in 30 minutes...

after talking with cornfed..I now believe she only threw me a bone because it benefitted her..because of her surgery..so now I feel like maybe I'm a doormat..more for me to think about..

I arrive at the courthouse and remove all sharp objects and knives from my person enter the place, get through the metal detector ok and meet my Lawyer to sign the papers..Of course, we are not on todays docket but the judge does say he will hear it..last...so we sit through a long docket sounding for mostly jury trials, then sit through child support cases where lots of guys are in arrears..the regular divorce cases..all taking 10 minutes to hear..finally it's me, my L, her, her L..no eye contact between us at all with the exception of one time when Kim was on the stand..she had to face me, she had to "see" what she was doing one final time IMO...

I don't think it's fair that someone can walk in to a court room, get a divorce from someone and one party not have to be there..anyway..

she answered simple questions..has everything been split fairly, is the child custody/visitation fair..how long where you married..etc..etc..etc...before every answer she gave, she paused for dramatic affect...she answered that all was good, but paused before every answer like it was not really that good..I saw her lips quiver a couple of times..but no tears..and I think no sorrow..

with all that, a drop of the gavel, a "good luck to you both" from the judge..it was done..it took maybe 8 minutes..at most..maybe less

then my L informs me he must be in court 40 miles away..I can get a copy of the papers there if I'll wait or he can mail them..I tell him I'll wait..he asks Kim's attorney if she will get me copies also..she agrees.. I wait another 20 minutes..Kim's L brings me the papoers and attempts to engage me over just a few issues that are left over..Kim on my insurance, Kim owes me a little cash due to the difference in the mortgage amount and child support..I'm still paying the house payment and Kim's refinance won't be done until the 12th..she says..Kim is still paying for all the car insurances..so those need to be split..I found it odd that Kim's L was talking with me about these things especially since Kim and I were now divorced and Kim's L really has no standing at the moment..

a drive back to work..lunch..and a little work left to do then I am out for the day..gas man sometime..then a ballgame with my dad..

to all of you who checked on me, thanks for that.. to all who have prayed..thanks..to all who have picked me up when I was down..thanks..

I really hope one day I can meet some of you.

and with that..it is done..

now say a prayer for Brian/Racefan..do not worry about me..say a prayer for him..

That's the way I'm wired..

"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

and with that..I can now feel..at work of all places work is not a good place for tears..

and I forgot to add, "I looked damn good, really good" ;\)