You said that you dont want to not spend holidays with him as then you will be the one 'pulling the plug' - I dont think you would be, it doesnt have to be 'it', just becuase you take a stand to not play happy families with him over the next few days?
Also you said, you wanted to do the family stuff with his and yours to let him have a chance of what you have and how good you are together, (to make him rethink?). I am not sure this would work. In fact, seeing as he initially said he wanted to duck out of these gatherings, I think going through the motions with him at them could just be more pressure.
What might work more.. is him NOT getting to go with you and the kids, not getting to spend holidays/family celebrations, missing out and having the space to own his own decision and feel the consequneces of it? As an outsider, i would say that was more valuable a weapon.
So put your foot down, dont play happy families.. can you stall your kids? Can you fib and say Dan has to do farm stuff, or just dont get into why he isnt there? You dont have to make a big announcement just yet? I dont know, if there is another way...
Lastly, you said.. "He cheated on me for at least 14 months in 2007-2008". Whoa. Thats not great, not on the back of the other incidents you listed. He would have to have worked VERY hard to rebuild your R and your trust after that.. has he?
You deserve better/more...christian morals dont come into that equation, IMHO. True of lots of us here though hey.
Sorry you are going through this right at holiday time, seems to be a theme around here. Its like, these selfish WAS's cant stand the pressure of keeping up a happy pretence and they just have to blow, nevermind waiting till January hey? (as I wish my ex had done last year).
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
