Carlos, it gets better each day. I get better each day. i have friends i love and that love me. they give me support and keep me centered. i've connected with friends from 20 years ago. i've begun reconciliation with family and old friends. i have friends here that have given me so much when they themselves are needing - thats rare, and thats special. and i appreciate it more than i can express.
i am cleansing. i am smiling. i drift in and out of happiness and contentment, but i now know i'll drift back in again. i sing - badly, yet i sing. i cry - badly, yet i cry. i catch glimpses of peace, fleeting as they may be, but thats ok. i feel pain and loneliness, anger and disappointment in myself and in my ex-wife. but even when on the verge of tears and an overwhelming desire to go fetal in the dirty corner of some dank closet, i know this will pass and that gives me comfort and strength and the ability to stand straight and face it head on. i no longer blame myself for everything, i accept my responsibility. i study my faults and dont turn away. i know i'll flinch but i wont turn away. i will not turn away. i'm learning. i feel rejuvinated. i feel more wise, i see things not as i did, but with a fresh perspective. what i used to ignore, now makes me smile. i'm rebuilding bridges i've burnt out of stupidity and stubborness and igorance and baseless pride. i'm scared i wont be able to trust again. i relish the details. everything has a new potential. everyone has a new potential. i have new potential. i feel stronger, physically and emotionally. and i look forward to getting stronger. i love my daughter more than i knew i could. when i cry for her, its for her, and not me. i have a need to find a new dream. and its not the dream that excites me, its that i feel a need. its something i havent felt in so long.
i'm looking forward because its getting better each day. because I'm getting better each day.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
