My wife has a home-based business and she complained about the same thing: my lack of support. Like you, it wasn't true. I've done alot of thinking about this and talked to IC about it.
It's about lack of accountabilty and low self-esteem on their part. The 'fact' is that their business isn't performing. They see that as a personal failure. So they start rationalizing, playing the 'if only' game:
If only the economy was better. If only I didn't have competition. Blah Blah.
But they can't control any of the real reasons. So they fall back to anger transference. Pretty soon its: If only my husband supported me.
That one is great for them. It makes it seem as if everything they are doing is perfect. It discounts or ignores all the real problems that they can't deal with. And it puts the blame on something which they have some degree of control over.
I talked to C about 'blame' our last IC session. My wife blames me for alot of things beyond her business. When she has trouble with kids, she blames me too.
C talked about how blame is an immature\childish coping mechanism. The child learns that they can avoid accountability by blaming something else. As they mature into adulthood, the hope is that they will learn accountability and recognize blame as a crutch. But that is very difficult to learn and some people learn it better than others. He also noted that people who do learn it sometimes regress when under stress and start blaming more.
The good news is that seperations encourage people to become more self-sufficient and accountable by their nature. So your wifes concern with lack of support may slowly start to resolve itself.
You need to decide what to do about the financial stuff. But making changes to your arrangement is more support and in some ways relieves her from being accountable and self sufficient. It's a bit counter productive. It might generate goodwill, but may slow her progress in becoming accountable for her business.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
