Great weekend. Dance all night Saturday. I got asked to dance by at least 5 women. Felt good. Went to my d's yesterday to check out her electric heaters, loose wires.
Friday got home, talked to my sister for a while, went to the gym for about 1.5 hours, came home, called a buddy of mine and then went food shopping. Before I knew it was 11:30 at night.
W had text me about car ins money. didn't hve the 160, had a 100 but she says that was pushing it. I took it and told her 60 next pay check and the 130 for december the paycheck after that. No problem, we'll see. She said if she gets B'Day cards from kids with money she'll give that to me. told her to keep her B'Day money, just stick to the plan. Sent another text to me while I was in the Gym "Lol, I won't hold my breath waiting for cards from the kids, you know how they are." couldn't resist a reply, "Yes I know exactly how they are". Sent her a good morning on Satruday, no response, no surprise.
Really nervous about seeing her Thursday I haven't seen her in one month. One of my friends made a comment to me and wondering if anyone has an opinion. His comment was that she hasn't seen me, I have de-wifed the house, she thinks I 'm involved with someone. He said I think when she sees you its going to be a huge rush of emotions. She hasn't been around you, has heard things about you and hasn't seen you. He said it was probably easier for her to not think about you while you are completely out of the picture or she has been thinking about you more. either way I think she will definitely have a huge rush when she sees you. His advice, be calm, cool and cordial. No touchy feely, no kiss hello or goodbye. Be nice, be yourself. This will show her what she is missing. I am very nervous.
Thinking alot about Thursday, 31 years together. My fear is that she is cold and distant, I understand she is going through something, but still that fear. It will be her, the BIL, FIL, his girlfriend, an aunt and two of my daughters. I am already uncomfortable and it isn't even Thursday. Not sure I will be be, I know how I want to be, just like my friend said, but who knows.
I am afraid my emotions will be working overtime. I am going to go because I do not wnt to "what if" myself. She was at the house when I got home last night, getting some of her winter clothes. I couldn't even look at her. When she said hello, all I said was Hi, and then she said, oh, thats all I get is a single word. What the hell did she expect. I can not be happy around her. when I see her I am angry at her. Can't help it.
thanksgiving outta be a real trip. I have several people who will call me throughout the day to see how I am holding up. I know I need to do this, I need to be able to do this. My D told me this morning that I had better be going. Will call FIL tonight and talk to him. He is very worried about me from what I have heard and he prays I am going to his house.
I have nothing to be "ashamed" of. Problem is being around two people that have created bad situations in my life. One is the W, the other is the BIL. I understand what you are saying and i believe you are right, just nervous about being in a place with two people that I would rather not be with. but I feel if I am not around her for tis, to give her the opportunity to really see me, then it may be an opportunity I will later regret.
Thanks Amy. Because I don't talk about this with anyone around me, because everything seems to get back to her, I only you all. I'm sure I'll be fine, maybe quieter than usual, but fine. Wish my older d was going...
Sorry my typing is awful today. Yes I will be alright. I won't be drinking so that ought to keep my mouth from letting unwanted words out. My two younger Ds are concerned I won't show. told them I'm going not to worry. te youngest is going to the HS football game and wants to drive down with me to make sure I get there.
I am taking my oldest grandson overnight Friday. Have a couple of things planned, hopefully my younger D wants to go and hang out with us. Dancing was great last night. Me and the woman i met there are becoming good talking buddies. I'm actually relieved she is married takes all the pressure off. We had fun and I needed it after bumping into the W last night.
